Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Q: I was listening to the audio of Jobs’ presentation on Tuesday and I kept hearing him talk about how things were going to happen “otomatically”. I haven’t noticed this getting coverage anywhere else, but is he talking about some cool new Apple technology? What is this “otomatically”?
A: Oh, no, no, no. I believe this is just a simple misunderstanding having to do with the fact that Jobs pronounces that word oddly.
Q: Oh. Oh! So he was trying to say “automatically”?
A: No, no, no. The word he was trying to say was “Odomatically”?
Q: What’s “Odomatically” mean?
A: Odomatically means something happens like Odo from Deep Space 9.
A: It’s a new shape-shifting technology Apple’s been developing. It’s going to be in all Apple products soon.
Q: Hmm. I dunno. I still think he was saying “otomatically”.
A: But that’s stupid! You mean it would happen “of the ear”? Ha-ha! That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! “Of the ear”! Ha-ha!
Q: How is that any stupider than your Odo idea?
A: Uh… well… because we’re the ones with the Apple web site and you’re just someone calling in.
Q: Well, fine! I’ll just go off and start my own Apple web site!
A: Ha-ha! Good luck with that! I think you’ll find all the good site names are taken, my friend!
Q: I read this whole thing about Sticker Guy and I was rather appalled at the way he was treated by the Mac community.
A: What?! C’mon, it was a stupid question. And if the guy can’t stand a little heat for it, he should get out of the kitchen that is the Internet.
Q: But it wasn’t unreasonable at all! Intel pays companies a lot of money to put those stickers on.
A: But the basic premise – putting tacky stickers on a Mac – is so out of place! It’s like you’re watching Leave it to Beaver and, though you’ve seen every episode and know them by heart, all of a sudden you hear June tell Ward she’s leaving him to get into competitive goatse.
Q: Uh… wow. I’m so stunned by that image I forgot what the hell we were arguing about.
A: Ha! Yeah. You like that? I thought of that earlier today and was laughing myself silly over it!
Q: I have a MacBook that I want to use to manage a large collection of images I’m going to scan in. I need to hook it up to an external monitor and I’m hoping to get a good recommendation for a flat-panel display that’s cheaper than what Apple offers, but all I can think of now is… “competitive goatse”? C’mon. There is no such thing. Is there?
A: Ooh, dude, you really don’t want to go asking questions you don’t want the answers to.
A: Yeah, just don’t Google it. Don’t do it.
Q: I’m… not.
A: Yes, you are! You’re doing it right now, I can tell!
Q: No, I’m… AAAAAGH! I’M BLIND!
A: Ah. See? I told you not to Google it.