Reports indicate that Apple will hold a media event tomorrow at the Regent Street Apple Store in London. While such events are usually met with a flurry of speculation about what fabulous new products the company will announce, this one has many concerned.
Several sources Crazy Apple Rumors Site spoke with detailed how this particular event could go uncharacteristically wrong. For example, one source indicated that CEO Steve Jobs will conduct the entire announcement in a really lame cockney accent.
“I tried to talk him out of it,” said senior vice president of worldwide marketing Phil Schiller. “But he just kept saying ‘What’s all this, then, guvanah!’ I’m like, Steve, don’t you think they might find that insulting? And he’s like, ‘Can ye spare a quid for a tuppence for two pence?’ That doesn’t even make any sense!
“I swear, if he didn’t sign my paychecks…”
But Jobs’ lame accent isn’t the only concerning rumor about tomorrow’s event.
“I take no responsibility for this,” said Jonathan Ive. “And I really shouldn’t even be talking to you about it… but I’ll just give you one word: Yoko.
“And I’ve also heard there might be a little Ringo. And I mean ‘a little Ringo’. Somewhere Steve found a Ringo midget. I don’t know how he did it. Or, more importantly, why he did it but, well, that’s what I heard.”
As bad as that sounds, there are even more disturbing rumors.
General Counsel Donald Rosenberg said “My concern is that Steve’s going to announce that we’re releasing our own brand of spotted dick. And then he’ll sit down and do a demo by eating a big plate of spotted dick.
“I have no proof that that’s going to happen, but it’s kept me up the past few nights. I mean, I understand it’s delicious, but the name just makes me feel icky. I mean, what sort of horrible shit has to happen to someone’s junk for it get spotted? Yeesh.”
Apparently for unexplained reasons, tomorrow’s event will take place anywhere between five and eight hours before it would if it were held someplace normal.