18 Sep 07Jackass Blogger Won't Shut Up About Fucking Yankees.

The Apple web community has recently been forced to endure the childish ranting of its supposedly most “respected” bloggers.

In a series of disturbing blog posts and classless entries on Twitter, Daring Fireball‘s John Gruber has gone past the point of “annoying” and is well into “uncomfortable”. Gruber continues to publicly flog his Yankees obsession, all but declaring their capturing the American League East pennant a fait accompli despite the fact that the Red Sox are still 2 and 1/2 games ahead.

“I used to think the banter was fun,” said Rogue Amoeba‘s Paul Kafasis, a Red Sox fan. “You know, all good natured ribbing between professionals in the Apple community.

“And then… it just went on and on and on… I got bored and then I got kind of concerned. It just started to seem like he was a little too into it, you know? Kind of like Maynard in Pulp Fiction.”

Kafasis said that at one point he considered organizing some kind of Apple community intervention to attempt to pull Gruber back from the destructive path he was bent on, but that by that point Gruber was being such a dick that he just didn’t care anymore.

Kafasis shook his head.

“Issues,” he said, making air quotes with his fingers and then whistling.

Other members of the Apple community agreed.

“I’m not sure what exactly his problem is,” said Macworld‘s Dan Moren, another Red Sox fan. “He picked the team with a revenue stream like a fire hose and an owner that’s willing to outbid Jesus. That’s a real challenge. I’m sure all the adversity of suffering through years of winning really builds character.

“Oh, and, hey, I guess John pretty much proved that particular point, didn’t he!”

Crazy Apple Rumors Site reporters contacted several Yankee fans to comment but the resulting torrent of filthy expletives and violent domination fantasies proved unsuitable for printing.

Even here. And that’s saying something.

Apple declined to comment officially for this story, but senior vice president of worldwide marketing Phil Schiller, also a Red Sox fan, did tell a somewhat prophetic story of a boy who went blind from too much self-wankery.

35 Responses to “Jackass Blogger Won't Shut Up About Fucking Yankees.”

  1. iMoo says:

    Ahem…
    Aaarrrgh!

  2. comacnut says:

    My tooth brush was just used.

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    What? Nothing about the (Sub)Mariners? Hmmph.

    You know, it’s way too easy to get in the top ten comments these days. Just another sign of the Cyber-Apocalypse.

    Avast! Prepare to be boarded!

  4. scared monster, better known as The Oil On Fire, says:

    All that fuzz to forget how lame United States are in rugby…
    http://www.rugbyworldcup.com/home/teams/team=51/index.html

  5. OMGHAX says:

    No Ace, it’s all about the Tacoma Rainiers.

  6. ryan says:

    I know… right – even I am getting into the top 10 and you never hear from unless there is a full moon and virgins have been sacrificed to make way for my arrival in an alter of blood.

    BTW – it is getting harder and harder to find fresh virgins these day, and the ones you do find generally aren’t that appealing.

  7. Nxxx says:

    AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH ye varmints, it be gone eight bells at zero longtitude and ye failed me John boy. Why be it not in pirate talk, me hearties, or be that for the morrow?
    If it baint be afore midnight, I’ll ave e hung from the cat o’nine tails, walking the yard arm and flogged with the plank Moltz me black hearted hearty. Drink e grog boy, aint much time left for e ha har. Bugger it, tripped over the bloody cutlas again.

  8. Jansperus says:

    This is truly the greatest “article” I have seen on this “news” site. Gruber better link to this on his “blog.”
    -A fan of red socks

  9. Devon Shaw says:

    Not to point this out on a public blog, but if there’s any time us Mariners fans have no room to talk, it’s now. Have we dropped 18 out of 20 yet?

    Fucking Bavasi. It’s not McLaren’s fault, it’s the fuckhead who can’t GM his way out of a wet kleenex. You can also pin the blame on Armstrong and Lincoln, who care more about suckering fans out of their dough than compiling a winning baseball team. Three of our last four seasons are in the worst nine of all time! Ugh.

    We should be in the playoffs, pummeling ass. Not watching our bullpen deteriorate.

    Signed,

    A pissed M’s fan

    PS: The Yanks still suck.

  10. Carbonfish says:

    Nothing to say but twelve. I intensely dislike being twelfth, but what then must we do?

  11. Streetrabbit says:

    How can anyone be thinking about baseball when the twenty20 world cup is on?

    I mean for fuck sake!

  12. Nxxx says:

    Arrrrrrrrrrrr.
    How can anyone be thinking about the twenty 20 world cup, when the Rugby Union World Cup is on.
    Bloody Ockers. Not even proper pirate, hang on, all of Australia is pirate country.

  13. An Astronomer says:

    It’s a little hypocritical for a Red Sox fan to complain about how much the Yankees spend every year on salary ($189M), considering the Red Sox spend the second most ($143M).

    Oh, and Arrrggghhhh!

  14. tom says:

    Yada yada yada. What is this game?

  15. Magnanimous Wang says:

    John Moltz is John Gruber!!!

  16. Steve G. says:

    I’m a Yankees fan, but don’t have nearly that much time to post all that crap. Doesn’t Gruber have a job like the rest of us? Speaking of which, I really should stop reading CARS at work (like now) – the laughter is wigging out the co-workers.

  17. Rip Ragged says:

    Well naturally I agree with everything up to this point. I have a friend who is a Cubs fan. Cubs fans are cool. That kind of futility is hard to find fault with, especially if you’re a Mariners fan. Let’s face it, the Mariners are just a bunch of goobers.

    Who could possibly give a shit about the Red Sox and Yankees?

    Yeah. Arg.

  18. Slevin says:

    I like the autograph the kid got the other day “Red Sox Suck” Now that is a keeper

  19. You’re all Yankees as far as I’m concerned.

    Even you Dixies.

    Bleedin’ Yanks.

  20. Chris says:

    Great post!

    I think Yankees fans still aren’t over what happened in 2004, when they blew that 3-0 lead in the series against the Sox.

    When was the last time the Yankees won the Series? 2000?

  21. John Moltz says:

    Devon,

    I don’t don’t think Bavasi is the *worst* link in the chain and I’m not a big fan of McLaren so far but I think you’re right about Armstrong and Lincoln. This team just isn’t talented enough not to play smart. And playing smart means being able to recognize talent and play players who have a shot at making a difference rather than rewarding veterans for being older.

    I don’t think there’s any disagreement we need a new third base coach, not that that’s going to make much difference but one could argue it cost us two or three games.

    As I’ve said to many people in the past few weeks, the Mariners are just finally playing to their potential.

  22. Smee says:

    Arrg! Keelhaul the windbag!

  23. blank says:

    Yarrrr, “self-wankery?” Whut ‘arther kind be thar?

  24. Berle says:

    Can someone clarify what these red sox wearing yankees are? Never heard of ’em. Bloody merikuns!

  25. Saikou Yuden says:

    Hanshin Tigers all the way!

    Oh, and…

    Arrrrrrr!

  26. The Incredible Mr says:

    Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby!

    And I’m not just saying that because we keep losing in the Twenty20 world cup.

  27. CB says:

    Aaarrrghh and ahoy mateys. Im in ur Ozland with all the pirates.

  28. Anomynous says:

    Actually, Steve G., Gruber doesn’t have a job like the rest of us. Gruber’s blog IS his job.

  29. Bill G says:

    Gruber continues to publicly flog his Yankees obsession, all but declaring their capturing the American League East pennant a fait accompli despite the fact that the Red Sox are still 2 and 1/2 games ahead.,,

    er…. 1 and 1/2 at 10:17 pm!!!!

  30. Steve G. says:

    Re #32:
    Gee, maybe I should blog full-time.
    No, wait, that would be a bad idea. Nobody reads what I write and I couldn’t afford to drop down to the Bohemian lifestyle that would be required.

Place your comment

Please fill your data and comment below.
Name
Email
Website
Your comment