11 Oct 07iPhone SDK Confused With Other Apple Offerings.

In a report published on TidBITS yesterday, respected journalist and child psychologist Glenn Fleishman indicated that sources had told him that Apple is close to announcing some kind of iPhone SDK.

Sadly, however, Fleishman is wrong.

Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources confirmed that Apple has no plans to announce an iPhone SDK in the near future. Fleishman’s sources are likely confusing “iPhone SDK” for one of the following upcoming announcements from Apple.

iPhone PDA – At a special Apple event in November, Steve Jobs will make out with an iPhone. I mean, well, more than he has at other public events. There will be tongue this time.

iPhone STP – The performance motor oil for iPhones that run hotter. Coming Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!

iPhone STD – This software “enhancement” gives you a social disease if you add any third party hacks. Steve Jobs will announce “It’s better than merely bricking! If you install any hacks, your penis will fall off!”

iPhone WWJD – Doesn’t help you make phone calls but makes you feel guilty about pretty much everything.

iPhone AV — Includes a special API which pulls all available data on whether or not Abe Vigoda is alive or dead.

iPhone MSFT – Can’t play music. Wireless technology used to fry burritos. Demo songs play in full, but songs you purchase play for just 30 seconds. Battery life is 5 minutes. The social turns out to be a banquet room in a Marriott in South Bend, Indiana, with pasty-faced men in ill-fitting suits. The exit doors are locked. You realize that you’re dead and in hell.

Apple declined to comment for this story other than to confirm that all the above was true.

31 Responses to “iPhone SDK Confused With Other Apple Offerings.”

  1. Streetrabbit says:

    1st. What a week I’m having!

  2. Ace Deuce says:

    I want Lode Runner on my iPhone. But first I want an iPhone.

  3. Ace Deuce says:

    By the way Streetrabbit: hubris becomes you.

  4. Carbonfish says:

    I wish I could think of something witty to type, but I can’t.

    I guess I’ll just settle for having read the post and call it a night.

  5. Streetrabbit says:

    Mmmm I don’t know… I think I look better in chartreuse than hubris.

  6. Sudo Nym says:

    I don’t have an iPhone. I don’t want an iPhone. Honestly, I don’t think I’d take one for free. (If you don’t believe me, Apple, just try me.)

    But Lode Runner on an iPhone — who wouldn’t want that?

  7. CB says:

    Made it again, top X.

  8. Someone special says:

    Didn’t you forget iPhone SEX?

  9. CB says:

    Carbonfish. I thought you were calling it a night. I would call it anoche.

  10. Dishwasher Safe says:

    iWish iWere
    iWish iWas
    iWish iHad iPhone iBuzz!

  11. Dishwasher Safe says:

    Mmmmm…. Lucky 13….

  12. Nxxx says:

    John,
    What happened to iPhone WMD?

  13. Ash says:

    Every iPod product ever made has been a WMD. Wait, WMD means Windows Media Destroyer, right?

  14. Apple Lopsider says:

    iPhone? What the hell’s an iPhone? Some sort of modem?

    Does anyone know where I can get my PDA (an Apple II) serviced? I tried taking it to my local store, but apparently its warranty expired some decades ago. I tell you, Apple’s risking my good custom, they are. I have a good mind to sue.

    Also, I’d like to get a leather case for it. Sometimes pocket lint gets stuck in the cassette drive.

  15. Colonel Panic says:

    Don’t forget the iPhone LS/MFT – better tasting tobacco, and web surfing together again!

  16. Joe Anonymous says:

    iPhone SLAP – stupid legal argument preparer. The iPhone generates new lawsuit filings by randomly pulling phrases out of its dictionary and putting them together in bizarre ways. Why pay an attorney to generate frivolous suits when your iPhone will do it for you. As a bonus, you can simultaneously listen to “Sue Me, Sue You Blues” (a real song), Peggy Sue, Runaround Sue, A Boy name Sue, Redneck Lawyer, One Million Lawyers, Scary Lawyer Letter, Lawyers in Love, and California Sex Lawyer (also a real song).

  17. blank says:

    Sorry Colonel, but the iPhone – LS/MFT also gives you lung cancer.

    Don’t forget:

    iPhone BFD – You like it, but no one else cares.

    iPhone TMI – The model chosen for Steve to do that tongue thing with.

  18. Nxxx says:

    If WMD means Windows Media Destroyer, what was Iraq all about?
    Are you trying to suggest that Bush/Blair is Gates trying to put off the evil day?
    Must go for a lie down.

  19. Ahnyer Keester says:

    iPhone IDK – Comes with something but I’m don’t know what.

  20. fractured cell says:

    oooh… iphone MSFT – give me all your burritos before the battery runs out, just pile them in a heap like so…

    oh great. which wise-ass knocked them on the floor? now we have to wait an hour for my mean burrito machine to charge up again.

    great job guys. not.

  21. Zo says:

    Thanks, got a blog post outta that one too.
    The tongue line? Excellent.

  22. Hal g00D says:

    I think you’re forgetting something very important, Dave… iPhone TMA. I know we were all briefed on its discovery by Dr. Floyd six years ago. I’m frankly surprised that you’d forget… especially when the current model so closely resembles the one on the Moon. Your failure to remember is leading me to believe that you might jeopardize the mission…

    Just a moment … just a moment … I’ve just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It’s going to go a hundred percent failure within seventy-two hours…

  23. Del says:

    Third Party Applications on the iPhone
    Let me just say it: We want native third party applications on the iPhone, and we plan to have an SDK in developers’ hands in February. We are excited about creating a vibrant third party developer community around the iPhone and enabling hundreds of new applications for our users. With our revolutionary multi-touch interface, powerful hardware and advanced software architecture, we believe we have created the best mobile platform ever for developers.

    It will take until February to release an SDK because we’re trying to do two diametrically opposed things at once—provide an advanced and open platform to developers while at the same time protect iPhone users from viruses, malware, privacy attacks, etc. This is no easy task. Some claim that viruses and malware are not a problem on mobile phones—this is simply not true. There have been serious viruses on other mobile phones already, including some that silently spread from phone to phone over the cell network. As our phones become more powerful, these malicious programs will become more dangerous. And since the iPhone is the most advanced phone ever, it will be a highly visible target.

    Some companies are already taking action. Nokia, for example, is not allowing any applications to be loaded onto some of their newest phones unless they have a digital signature that can be traced back to a known developer. While this makes such a phone less than “totally open,” we believe it is a step in the right direction. We are working on an advanced system which will offer developers broad access to natively program the iPhone’s amazing software platform while at the same time protecting users from malicious programs.

    We think a few months of patience now will be rewarded by many years of great third party applications running on safe and reliable iPhones.

    Steve

    P.S.: The SDK will also allow developers to create applications for iPod touch. [Oct 17, 2007]

  24. BEWARE IPODS AND IPHUNES! EXPLOSIVE! SDK OR NOT!
    iPods Can Double as Personal Flame-Throwers!
    After Danny Williams of Douglasville Ga. reported that his iPod shot a 2′ column of flames through his pocket, I became intrigued!
    Could the iPod be another power source for weapons, industry, cooking or space travel? I therefore instructed the guys at our labs to reproduce the event reported by Mr. Williams, it took a while but indeed they did! It took a forensic examination of Danny’s iPod before they figured it out. The answer still raises the question of why but the results are undeniable!

    How did we do it?

    Mr. William’s iPod had 666 songs on it, the last three being “Jungle Love”, “radar Love” and “Unchain my Love”.
    The order must be exact! It seems that while Mr. Williams was working he bumped the iPod which started to play Radar Love. For some reason this causes the iPod to shoot flames up to 48″ for anywhere from 8 to 20 seconds (on 22.5% of them it worked twice!).

    Please do not try this at home, we have released this information as a public service for the protection of the public. The report is being forwarded to the EPD, OSHA, NSA, FBI, CDC and Homeland Security.
    Our research continues.

  25. […] today as CEO Steve Jobs announced that Apple would indeed be releasing an iPhone SDK as this site accurately reported was predicted last […]

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