We really wanted to do a Help Desk, but illness has swept through the Crazy Apple Rumors Site offices like Sherman through Atlanta. You’d think with a staff the size of ours at least someone would be well enough but the problem is we have one of those water fountains that has a really weak spout so if one of us gets something, we all get it.

Admittedly, this is probably an aftereffect of staying out late drinking with our Apple sources last night, but how else are we going to get them soused enough to tell us all about the tablet device that’s going to be introduced at Macworld?

Sadly, that didn’t actually pan out as they passed out during the tequila course around 2 AM.

The only one not stricken horribly ill is the Entity who, now sporting the bod of Jennifer fricking Connelly, is just standing around striking seductive poses.

Thanks. That’s really helping. Thanks a bunch.

At any rate, you guys are pretty good at rolling your own Help Desk, so please have at it in the comments. Don’t mind us. We’ll just be lying on the couch and the floor in the break room moaning in pain and waiting for our Tom Yum soup to arrive from East & West Café.

I wonder if the delivery guy will think it’s weird if we ask him to spoon-feed it to us?

53 thoughts on “Sick”

  1. Well, that actually didn’t feel as exciting as I thought it would. I guess I’ll go read the article now.

  2. What!! No friggin Help Desk! Since when did CARS get sick days? Get your lazy butts back to work!

  3. OK. OK. I’ve got a question for the Help Desk.

    How many whiney CARS employees does it take to NOT write a Help Desk?

    What does the Entity do now, sit a round playing with it’s tits!

  4. I have a Wallstreet MacBook G4. That’s right, MacBook, not PowerBook. You see, I bought it a couple years ago, when I was in an alternate dimension where Steve Jobs never left Apple. My question is, can I install OS 10.5 on this thing? It’s pretty cool using Copland on this thing, but because it was invented in a universe where Tim Berners-Lee never had a NeXT station, it can’t open Or, any webpages I guess. But mostly Anyhow, can I upgrade the machine or should I just merge into the hive mind the next time I go back to that universe? Thanks,

  5. Q: Asinine question.

    A: Snide response.

    Q: Ribald innuendo

    A: Punchline.


    Q: Can I skin Leopard’s Time Machine to look like the Tardis?

    A: I’m going to hang up now.

  6. sometimes when you are really quiet …
    you can hear the world breath …

    well you can hear something breathy. I think it’s the world and Geia but maybe its the sound of Greenpeace’s tallpoppy meter marking time between tirades?

    wonder what else it could be …

  7. Ok… I’m sick. And I’m reading about the CARS staff being sick.
    I’m just sick and tired.
    That’s all. Just wanted to share.

    BTW… I have a G3 Pismo running 10.4 just fine. Thank you very much.
    I suppose the gig of ram helps a bit… But it’s still running!

    I’m going to go take some medication, and some quantities of alcohol. Oh, wait. I already did…. Time for some more, I suppose!!!


  8. John,

    Try the Hot and Sour soup instead of the Tom Yum. You’ll be better by tomorrow morning and your breath will smell more of Tofu and less of Shrimp Paste.

  9. Gee it’s nice to see so many familiar names in here, albeit with nothing to comment on.

    For the record, I am not sick, despite what they say about me. I’m extremely “well-adjusted.” Tweaked, in fact.

  10. Did you notice that nobody does what Mr Moltz asked ? No Comment Help Desk.
    He must be very sick, that nobody even obeys…

    Tequila Sunrise, at this time !

  11. Q: I want the iPhone SDK!
    A: Umm, well, I think it’s going to be released early next year.

    Q: Well, I want it RIGHT NOW!
    A: Do you plan on writing a lot of software for the iPhone?

    Q: What? Is that what an SDK is for?
    A: Yes. Software Development Kit is what it means.

    Q: Oh. I read “seriously damaged knickers” somewhere. It sounded promising. Your version sounds sort of nerdy. Or maybe needy.
    A: Yes, well. You really shouldn’t read the comments, as a rule. And posting is questionable, too, unless you are just grabbing an early comment position. That’s what the cool kids do. Beyond that, you’re really just embarrassing yourself.

    Q: I know, I just… it made me feel part of the whole CARS experience.
    A: I understand. We all want that. Really. But sometimes you just have to wait for the unbidden inspiration that justifies a post. You can’t force these things.

    Q: Like you can’t force, um, er… Jennifer (Frickin) Connelly? Heh heh…. ?
    A: Give it up.

  12. My fault. I’ve been sitting in front of the monitor hacking and sneezing and blowing my nose for three days. It’s only natural that CARS got it. I’m sicker than Roseanne in a teddy. Sorry.

  13. Oh thanks Rip, now I feel sick. Roseanne in a Teddy? What kind of sick, twisted, sociopathic mind thinks of that? Oh yeah, my mistake Rip, carry on.

  14. So, where was the entity all this time? And this is his first mention in a while. Did he visit Glarku for tea and souls?

  15. You know, Moltz, Now that the entity is sporting the body of Jennifer fricking Connelly, the least you could do is update the staff photo directory.

  16. You are all being unfair to John, he is saving his strength for a Super Help Desk to lighten our load over the forthcoming clock adjustment weekend.

  17. You know, I just can’t hang around here when people are sick. I feel like I can seem the germs coming from them and landing on me. Blech!

    I say we let the bots take over.

    Ghillie, take it!

  18. Q. Size does matter!
    A. Car insurance quotes.
    Q. Cheap and free computer software!
    A. Buy cheap phentermin.
    Q. …
    A. Buy Viagra Cheap!

    Q. Claim your free Home Depot gift card. A free iPod Touch has been reserved for you?
    A. Tons of free webcams. Make $300-$900 a day working from home. Get paid for your opinion.
    Q. Secret Shoppers Needed? Rolex watches!
    A. Cut your debt in half. Get paid for your opinion. Secret lover trying to get in touch with you.
    Q. Government grant money available.
    A. View pictures of HOT singles in your area.
    Q. Fre e Au to In suran ce Q u o tes
    A. L∅$3 30 pou n ds in @ ₩ɛɛk!!!!!!!!

  19. Q: Check it out!
    A: That’s not actually a question.
    Q: While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today. Here’s a quick excerpt about that. All cease and desist orders should be directed to Steve Ballmer, Microsoft Corporation ?
    A: Just because you put a question mark at the end doesn’t make it a question. In fact if I’m not mistaken it’s more of that spam crap.
    Q: All your base are belong to us?
    A: Good Question, I’m going to go with “No”.

  20. Q: I couldn’t think of a question to ask, could you help me?
    A: Well, that was a question right there.
    Q: What was?
    A: And there is another.
    Q: Another what?
    A: Listen, you obviously don’t need help asking questions, you fired off three in a row, you may need some help on the quality, but we don’t do that here.
    Q: Don’t do what?
    A: Quality, and you have used up your quota for qestions for your next three lifetimes.(

  21. “kingthedestroyer”, eh?

    There’s something about that handle… something familiar…

    Oh, my God! President Bush is posting comments on CARS!

  22. I am not now, nor have I ever been president of the United States. Though I do believe in the old Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy axiom, anyone who can put themselves into position to become president should by no means be allowed to become president. Besides, a president’s job is to draw attention away from where real power is wielded.X

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