In a startling and exclusive revelation to Crazy Apple Rumors (MUST CREDIT CARS!), this site has learned* that Apple CEO Steve Jobs will keynote next month’s Macworld Expo.
This throws cold water on earlier rumors that the keynote address would be given by a ball of seventeen black cats taped together and stuffed into one of Jobs’ mock turtlenecks.
If not actually throwing water on the cats themselves.
They hate that.
But it can be a good way to train them.
It’s well known that Jobs’ appearance is often substituted with a ball of seventeen black cats taped together and stuffed into one of his mock turtlenecks for the less important shows. Indeed, a cottage industry has grown up in the Mac community that attempts to analyze footage of these appearances and identify which ones were Jobs and which were a ball of seventeen black cats taped together and stuffed into one of his mock turtlenecks.
“I’m fairly certain that wasn’t him at WWDC,” said Apple follower Joseph Bartlett. “There was a lot of mewling and at one point he gets really distracted by a ball of yarn.
“There was also some spraying, but Jobs actually does that too, so it’s not a good indicator.”
Bartlett said that most people don’t notice that they’re watching a ball of seventeen black cats taped together and stuffed into one of Jobs’ mock turtlenecks instead of a charismatic CEO because they’re too interested in what might be announced.
“Such is the power of Steve’s message.”
Apple declined to comment for this story, but workers were seen unloading hundreds of bags of kitty litter at One Infinite Loop.
* (by reading Macworld)