04 Dec 07German Court Sets iPhone Free To Be Locked.

In welcome news today, a German court ruled that Apple could lock sales of iPhones to T-Mobile accounts only.

The moved was hailed by Apple followers.

Macworld magazine editor Jason Snell said “Now German customers will be free to experience the iPhone in its pure, locked state. Just as god intended it.

“Did I say ‘god’? I meant to say ‘Steve Jobs’. Ha-ha! How silly of me.”

Many expressed their sincere joy that Germans of all political parties would be able to come together in the warm glow of iPhones at their locked best.

“The iPhone will only truly work properly if it’s locked to one network,” said lolPogues’ David Pogue.

“For example, visual voicemail requires special setup on the part of the cellular provider’s to really work.”

Pogue paused as he turned his iPhone over in his hands.

“And, uh, I think that’s it. But visual voicemail is a pretty important feature. When people are asked to rate the iPhone’s features, it’s consistently number 13 or 14. It’s after YouTube and just before Stocks.”

When reached for comment, Apple and T-Mobile said they were pleased to be able to offer the iPhone all locked up and shit.

35 Responses to “German Court Sets iPhone Free To Be Locked.”

  1. Dreil says:


  2. shawk says:

    Not first!

  3. Mykie says:

    Not Second!

  4. Carbonfish says:

    That was a lovely column, just lovely.

  5. Coolhandluke says:

    First time i post, i suppose 5 is good.

  6. scared monster, also known as Living Proof Of Something, Surely, says:

    Top Six !

    When you say “loced”, do you mean “bricked” ?

  7. Ace Deuce says:

    I was kinda hoping for a rumor. Something unsubstantiated and impossible to believe, let alone verify.

    Oh, well. There’s always tomorrow.

    Or at least there has been so far…

  8. Apple Lopsider says:


  9. John Moltz says:

    When you say “loced” do you mean “Tone-Loced”?

  10. CB says:

    Wow. topy 10

  11. scared monster, also known as Living Proof Of Something, Surely, says:

    When you say Tone Loc’ed, you mean there are some Surf Ninja kittens coming home right now ?

  12. Coolhandluke says:

    I think thats exactly what he meant.

  13. scared monster, also known as Living Proof Of Something, Surely, says:


  14. Huh? says:

    When you say Surf Ninja Kittens, do you mean seventeen of them taped together in a mock turtle neck?

    The chicken is a bit off tonight. Avoid it.

  15. Sudo Nym says:

    Clearly, the Germans aren’t ready for freedom. I mean, just look at history.

  16. Coolhandluke says:

    So when you say “A German Court” Do you mean Nazis?

  17. Nxxx says:

    Sudo Nym,
    Not sure how to say this but Moltz is a Germanic name.

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    Mr Jobs, tear down this wall!

  19. agent smith says:

    seventeen surf ninja kittens taped together in a ball in a mock – turleneck?

    f*ck that, im still waiting for my pony

    and my sexbot…

    O_o wibble…

  20. quakequake says:

    my pony


    wible O_o…

  21. Seano says:


  22. scared monster, also known as Living Proof Of Something, Surely, says:

    Germans can’t even surf.
    German courts can’t even court-surf.
    Taped German courts can’t even tape court-surf.

    Who said “that doesn’t make any sense ?”
    That’s true.
    It’s the Chewbacca argumentation.

  23. won says:

    Godwin’s Law strikes again

  24. Klayman says:


  25. Klayman says:

    Looks a lot like Vive la Resistance to me anyways

  26. Klayman says:

    and, on a second thought, ze Germans still can jump the border to get one from La Resistance. If I lived in the States, I’d be torching Infinite Loop by now (or AT&T HQ for that matter).

    In the end though, who’d be stoopid enough to cough up 700/1000 Euros for something they can get for free from the lovely iPhone Hacker community… with loads of bonuses on top. Right?
    I mean, with the unlocked iPhone in France, keeping it locked in any other country turns into some sort of bad joke…

  27. Apple Lopsider says:

    When you say “German court”, do you mean the British royal family?

    Hypothesis: seventeen kittens previously trained as ninjas and surfers taped together into some sort of rat king of kittens, balled up, and stuffed into a black mock turtleneck == Steve Jobs. According to other sources, Steve Jobs == God. According to the Smashing Pumpkins (and possibly someone before them), loneliness == emptiness, emptiness == cleanliness, and cleanliness == godliness. Therefore, I propose that loneliness is seventeen surfer ninja kittens taped together in a ball stuffed into a black mock turtleneck.

  28. Apple Lopsider says:

    Method: ???

    Conclusion: Profit.

  29. TuCats says:

    Apple Lopsider,

    I know what you mean. Ergo, excellent epistemology! Ferrier wasn’t just about shoes and horses, eh?

  30. Ergo says:

    When you say “First”, do you mean 30th?

  31. Wow! Thirty meaningless comments. Nonsensical, even.

    Woah! Make that 31!

  32. Joe Ragosta says:

    “Apple and T-Mobile said they were pleased to be able to offer the iPhone all locked up and shit”

    I knew about the locked iPhone issue, but this is the first I’ve heard about Apple and T-mobile selling shit. I wonder if there’s a market for shit with a great user interface?

  33. Loose Leaf says:

    WTF? That’s a real story.

    Can be get back to our regularly scheduled fictional program?

  34. Ahnyer Keester says:

    I thought is was right behind “socks” and, come on, we all know there is NOTHING right behind iPhone Socks.



  35. iphones says:

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