A breathtaking WWDC keynote – which saw the announcement of a new iPhone and mobile platform – under its belt, the Apple community was further astonished to learn that a number of its members have apparently developed a fantastic new mutant ability.
Known as “cancerdar”, it allows the individual with the necessary mutant x-gene to determine if a person has cancer just by looking at them.
It’s unknown how these individuals have had their mutant x-factor activated, but it’s thought that perhaps the electromagnetic fields generated by one or more Apple products is to thank.
“I’m constantly putting Apple products near my body,” said Apple customer Ian McCovey, who says he was recently granted uncanny cancerdar abilities. “Particularly my crotch. Over time, that’s gotta have some kind of effect on you. Right? I mean, I don’t know. I’m a graphic designer, not some kind of science guy.”
Regardless of how the amazing ability has been activated, researchers say it could prove vital in the fight against cancer.
Dr. Leon Taylor of the Mayo Clinic said “Previously this ability has only been seen in some dogs who can smell cancer in patients. This truly is a staggeringly important mutation and could be a great boon for early detection. It could change everything.
“Or, the other possibility is that these people are just talking out of their asses. In which case it’s just negligent and really annoying.”
Taylor’s caveat, however, has not chastened the newly mutated members of the Apple community.
“They say that with great power comes great responsibility,” McCovey said gravely.
“And I’m totally going to be really responsible about this as soon as I just do this one thing on Twitter.”