Serious iPad Flaw Discovered

Apple is hastily trying to respond to a serious iPad flaw that has only now come to light after customers have been using the device for several weeks. The company’s support forums are rife with complaints about the iPad’s deleterious effects, including one from Ryan McCloskey of Dayton, Ohio.

“I was sitting down on the couch to watch Netflix on the iPad,” McCloskey said. “And I noticed these scuff marks on the coffee table… right where I was going to put my feet.”

According to McCloskey, the optimal ergonomics in his home for the iPad involve him sitting in a slouched position on his couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table and the iPad resting on his thighs, using the “false boner” created by his jeans as a stand. And since acquiring his iPad, McCloskey says, he’s been sitting like this so much he’s destroyed an heirloom coffee table that’s been in his family since 1985.

From Anchorage to Key West, from San Diego to Bar Harbor, this position has widely been confirmed as the most optimal by iPad owners who have used the device for more than a week.

The result is a rash of scuffed and scraped coffee tables across a nation where sitting down around the coffee table to enjoy beer, board games and electronic devices (but, ironically, not coffee) has long been considered not really a national pastime per se, but some kind of more ill-defined national activity of unspecified frequency and duration.

The devastating coffee table Armageddon inflicted by the iPad has, of course, prompted the predictable lawsuit.

“Apple’s astounding disregard for the damage the iPad has done to its customers’ furniture is reprehensible,” said attorney Rhys Shea. “Even the company’s own marketing materials negligently suggest customers prop their feet up on their coffee tables to the detriment of their finish and structural integrity.”

Won't somebody think of the furniture?
(Images copyright Apple, Inc.)

“The members of my firm’s class action suit against the company will not be satisfied until they have their entire living room sets replace,” Shea said.

“Because all the pieces match, you know. You can’t just replace the coffee table. You have to replace the cabinet and the side table… the whole living room set.”

Apart from the class action, a group of concerned parents has formed to protest the iPad. The group claims that the kind of relaxed sitting position the iPad elicits — one that parents have been telling their children not to do for decades, if not millennia — will incite disobedience, sloth and immoral behavior.

Spokesperson Maureen Crimp said “I’ve seen the data. The correlation between sitting in a slouched position with your feet on the furniture and the kind of depraved activities that are tearing our society apart — masturbation, driving over the speed limit, premarital sex and watching ‘Glee’ — is almost 1:1.”

Not one to miss an opportunity, Griffin Technology announced today the $49.95 Sole Soother for iPad, a revolutionary protective covering for tables and other surfaces. The Sole Soother will be available in July in leather, neoprene, and microsuede fabrics and include an integrated 30-pin dock connector for charging and mounting the iPad when not in use.

Apple, despite being described as trying to hastily respond, did not respond to requests for comment.

138 thoughts on “Serious iPad Flaw Discovered”

  2. A post you say? Let me see what I have…
    Hmm.. column, leg, mast, newel, pale, palisade, panel, pedestal, picket, pile, pillar, pole, prop, rail, shaft, stake, standard, stilt, stock, and stud.

    Nope. Fresh out of posts.
    Sorry.

  5. Moltz will be using a detached retina if he doesn’t post soon.

    The Brains will brain him.

  6. Now, settle down, everybody. Patience is a virtue.

    Or, as my doctor believed, patients are a virtue.

  12. Wibble.

    I notice that John Gruber has been very active of late.

    And yet still John Moltz doesn’t post.

    I wonder if these two facts are in any way related?

  13. BroMu,
    Just after midnight, BBC Radio 4 mentioned that Gravesend was the warmest place in the UK, yesterday.

    Are you still trying to burn down the town centre?

  14. It’s the flaming tyres and mattresses, Nxxx. And then the fumes are trapped by the low-lying clouds of Lynx ‘Vice’ and ‘Instinct’.

  19. Ace,
    I admit that I am being picky but shouldn’t “quatloos” have a preceding “s”?

    My reasoning is that it is all going down the pan anyway.

  20. It used to be that there were just rumors about an upcoming Apple event. Now we have rumors about the rumors about an upcoming Apple event.

    Well, I heard that Ace was also willing to bet that Sue had heard that John’s might post about the rumored cholesterol monitor for the iPad… called iPid.

    Top that meta-meta-rumor… if you dare!

  22. I guess that means I’m special.

    Again.

    And while we’re on the subject, what does it mean when someone raises both hands and wiggles their index and middle fingers while they say the word “special?” I get this all the time. Are they making reference to my ears? Just wondering.

  24. I dont believe that iPad has got any kind of flaws or all. I think that it is just to harm the image of Apple and ipad and nothing else. I have been using iPad for the past 1 year or so and I am really satisfied with its working.

  25. I definitely agree and its just not possible that the iPad will have such flaws, so many people all across the world are using it, but they did not find flaws. Many of my friends are using it as well and occasionally I do, but I have never observed any problem, don’t know how these rumors have spread.

  26. Well, it is quite known thing that nothing in this world is perfect and whatever you will make their would be some flaws and errors in it and that is what you find in iPad. But when all its flaws are now discovered, people need to be more conscious about it while buying it.

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