Macworld unveils Macworld Insider Insider

Just moments after announcing its new premium subscription service, Macworld Insider, Macworld magazine announced its new premium premium service, Macworld Insider Insider.

“Macworld Insider gives you full RSS feeds, electronic access to back issues and full prima donna status in the Macworld forums,” said managing editor Jason Snell. “It’s the subscription service for the elite Macworld reader. The reader who’s a cut above the usual yahoos who read our magazine.

“Macworld Insider Insider, however, is for those above the elite.”

According to Snell and a press release written on the softest of lambskin in the finest India ink and delivered by a naked lady riding a white stallion, “Macworld Insider Insider is the Macworld magazine subscription service for the Illuminati of the Apple world, those who are influencers, opinion makers, those who pull the puppet strings.

“People like John Moltz.” (At least that’s what my press release said.)

For an undisclosed amount (because if you have to ask, you can’t afford it), Macworld Insider Insider subscribers will receive:

  • More unneeded justification for their already overblown, smug feelings of superiority.
  • A personal reading of each edition by a supine Andy Ihnatko, wearing nothing but a towel.
  • Frequent calls throughout the day from editor Dan Moren to give you the “inside scoop” on what Steve Jobs is doing right now. Here’s an exclusive preview: “Hi. It’s Dan. No, he’s still eating the falafel, but he took a phone call about five minute ago from someone and said ‘Fine. Sure. OK.’ and then hung up. Not sure what that… I GOTTA GO I THINK HE SEES ME BEHIND THIS PLANT. [click]”
  • Complete video of Chris Breen’s latest colonoscopy.
  • One (1) Rob Griffiths, mint in box.
  • “Complete access” to Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller, if you know what I mean.
  • A Macworld tote bag.

In a comment thread on the article announcing Macworld Insider, readers — unaware of Macworld Insider Insider — bemoaned the fact that we live in a market economy.

“It is unacceptable to expect the working proletariat — the true engine of all economic activity — to have to pay for goods and services that ultimately are produced on their own backs,” said commenter Carl Marks. “Your capitalist exploitation will collapse under the weight of its own greed and be swept away by the fires of the coming glorious socialist revolution!”

Commenter Lenny Trotts agreed. “$3 A MONTH IS TOO MUCH SB FREE MACWORLD #FAIL”

While both Macworld Insider and Macworld Insider Insider are available immediately, video of Breen’s colonoscopy is still going through the post-production work Breen insisted on in order to make his colon look “stunning”.

(Disclaimer: I have been known to write for and receive payment from Macworld and there may be incriminating photos of me on the Internet drinking with some of their staff. Scandalous, really.)

86 thoughts on “Macworld unveils Macworld Insider Insider”

  1. No disrespect to Andy, but I have to agree with JOn. Why not Ellen Feiss? Or even better, why not CARS staff member, The Entity, in his Connelly form of course.
    And look, the MacWorld tote bag better not be one of those cheap paper thingies.

  3. Okie dokie. My new nano should come today. I’m excited. It’s like I didn’t already have a herd of iPods. Or is it gaggle of iPods?

  5. Or a pod of eyes?

    Jennifer “Freaking” Connoly. Mmmmm. Almost as good as lesbian ninja sexbots. Only better!

  6. @Huh?…

    I was just communicating with Password — I work with him from time to time — and he asked me to relay to you that what he actually said was…

    “Ha ha ha! Good one, Huh?! I had’t thought of that!”

    … and to let you know that he took your comment as a compliment after all.

    (Incidentally — and this is just between you and me — Password often misspells words, as you can see. In fact, that’s the real reason why we’re all asked to re-enter passwords so often. A lot of people have suspected this for a while now, so, as his associate, I’ve been trying to tell him, but, well,… what can I say? He just isn’t always willing to accept what I say.)

  8. Today a man, finger raised, said to me ‘The man who says it can’t be done, shouldn’t interrupt the man who is doing it.’ I thought this a rather wise thing to say and so replied ‘I don’t think it is ever a good idea to interrupt a man who is doing it. Once I interrupted my father when he was doing it. This was when I was a little boy or girl. I walked into my parents room in the night (I can no longer recall why) and dropped my teddy bear in shock at what I saw. My father said to me “Don’t worry, I’m not hurting your mother”, “Why are you holding a knife to her throat” I enquired, but he just jumped out the window and legged it. Thinking back on it I am no longer sure it was my father, my father didn’t have a large drooping moustache, nor a top hat, nor a monocle. My little brother does, but he wasn’t born yet.

  10. ’ At that point in my recollection the man to whom I was speaking interrupted me, saying “I don’t think you understood my point.” But I think I did.

  13. I know we all want Moltz to resume more frequent posts, and he will when he can. Let me put in a plug for the Crazy Apple New Site (CANS), at crazyapplenews.com. Nate has some pretty good posts over there, in the same flavor as CARS; Ace, Sue, and I hang out in the comments over there, and you all are welcome to join us.

  14. @iMoo- Yes, Office Security Camera is, indeed, funny.
    Beware though; after a three Martini lunch, his renditions of his exploits might be a bit… dubious.

  19. I remember you from long ago, too, Ace. I got caught up in one of the modern world’s most addictive drug…. I refer of course to that ultimate waste of one’s life, the submersion into the hellish World of Warcraft. At first I could take it or leave it, at least I told myself that. A couple hours a few times a week became a couple hours a night because hours and hours with out end! Other pastimes fell to the side. Friends replaced by guild mates. Even, I can’t believe I am saying this, time spend composing witty posts replaced by time grinding for mats and gold!!! The depths to which I sunk were unimaginable……
    So what am I doing here? Well my $&@#%£ gaming computer fried it’s video card.
    My life is mine again. I can delight in the old pastimes I loved such as reading and posting to CARS! Thank you, John M. I needed something to ease the withdrawal.

    At least until I can replace that #%€~}*$@&video card.

  20. Welcome back, belli.

    Something I say every morning, alas.

    No, not like that, you Smut-Meisters.

    Although you may want to ask what caused that video card to fry itself, rather than process the images….

  22. That’s not like you, Steve? Are you trying to purge before the Pope’s visit? (That’s ‘Pope’, not ‘Poop’, about which I clearly wasn’t going to make a purge-pun.)

  25. Oh, man, I hope not.

    If anyone finds me posing as one of them (if they are actually different), please shoot me. I don’t think I could live up to the hype.

  27. But does Moltz live up the hype? I mean really?

    I mean sure, I have to wear a nappy when reading CARS.

    And I’ve prolapsed a couple of vital things laughing.

    But I mean *really*…

  28. [side-stepping away from Bro Mu thanks to the prolapse…]

    Mayhaps it’s “don’t believe the hype?”
    (“Don’t believe the hippy” just sounds silly.)

  31. Two questions BroMu,

    If you are sponsored by Kwik-Fit, does that mean they will replace your lapses for life?

    Does Armitage Shanks sponsorship go down the pan?

    Beginning to wish I hadn’t posted this.

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