Macworld unveils Macworld Insider Insider

Just moments after announcing its new premium subscription service, Macworld Insider, Macworld magazine announced its new premium premium service, Macworld Insider Insider.

“Macworld Insider gives you full RSS feeds, electronic access to back issues and full prima donna status in the Macworld forums,” said managing editor Jason Snell. “It’s the subscription service for the elite Macworld reader. The reader who’s a cut above the usual yahoos who read our magazine.

“Macworld Insider Insider, however, is for those above the elite.”

According to Snell and a press release written on the softest of lambskin in the finest India ink and delivered by a naked lady riding a white stallion, “Macworld Insider Insider is the Macworld magazine subscription service for the Illuminati of the Apple world, those who are influencers, opinion makers, those who pull the puppet strings.

“People like John Moltz.” (At least that’s what my press release said.)

For an undisclosed amount (because if you have to ask, you can’t afford it), Macworld Insider Insider subscribers will receive:

  • More unneeded justification for their already overblown, smug feelings of superiority.
  • A personal reading of each edition by a supine Andy Ihnatko, wearing nothing but a towel.
  • Frequent calls throughout the day from editor Dan Moren to give you the “inside scoop” on what Steve Jobs is doing right now. Here’s an exclusive preview: “Hi. It’s Dan. No, he’s still eating the falafel, but he took a phone call about five minute ago from someone and said ‘Fine. Sure. OK.’ and then hung up. Not sure what that… I GOTTA GO I THINK HE SEES ME BEHIND THIS PLANT. [click]”
  • Complete video of Chris Breen’s latest colonoscopy.
  • One (1) Rob Griffiths, mint in box.
  • “Complete access” to Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller, if you know what I mean.
  • A Macworld tote bag.

In a comment thread on the article announcing Macworld Insider, readers — unaware of Macworld Insider Insider — bemoaned the fact that we live in a market economy.

“It is unacceptable to expect the working proletariat — the true engine of all economic activity — to have to pay for goods and services that ultimately are produced on their own backs,” said commenter Carl Marks. “Your capitalist exploitation will collapse under the weight of its own greed and be swept away by the fires of the coming glorious socialist revolution!”

Commenter Lenny Trotts agreed. “$3 A MONTH IS TOO MUCH SB FREE MACWORLD #FAIL”

While both Macworld Insider and Macworld Insider Insider are available immediately, video of Breen’s colonoscopy is still going through the post-production work Breen insisted on in order to make his colon look “stunning”.

(Disclaimer: I have been known to write for and receive payment from Macworld and there may be incriminating photos of me on the Internet drinking with some of their staff. Scandalous, really.)

86 thoughts on “Macworld unveils Macworld Insider Insider”

  1. Pseudo First!
    … or is that sudo /first
    Well, anyway…
    This post would explain the horse outside my window, and the almost full voicemail box.

  2. So he says “Watch the birdie,” I look up, and… “WHOAAAAAA, What the %&#$!?”

    I come in for an oil change and the next thing I know he’s messing with the exhaust system.

    That said, a little dab of Photoshop’s Liquid filter and I’m looking good.

  3. Oh, I returned my Macworld Insider Insider. Not interesting. Got something better. Crispier.Something that tickles.

    Mmmmh…
    13.
    Not even a friday. Pity.

  4. I’m still waiting for MacWorld Outsider.

    More my thing, historically.

    Which is clearly why I feel so comfortable posting here.

  5. Ok, this Insider Insider thing is all good, but my Pants™ won’t stop cuddling with the Tote Bag.
    They’ve been together all afternoon now.
    I’m.. a bit afraid of what they’re doing when I’m not watching, and I REALLY don’t want to know what their progeny might look like.

  6. I’ve been swaggering around town here because I was one of the elect, personally invited to join Macworld Insider. Now I feel like such a fool!

  7. John Moltz Lives!

    John would you do us the honour of becoming President of the European Union?

    We need the dirt on that organisation.

  8. I laughed, I cried. I laughed again! Moltz is back, with his faculties intact. Well, most of them.

    Mmmhh, mint in box *gurgle*

  9. I’d like the Macworld Outsider Insider. Or the Macworld Apple Upside-down cake.

    I think there was a typo. I know Rob G would like it better if it was “One (1) Rob Griffiths mint in box.” But that means he’ll have to have lots of mints.

    What super-special package includes a lock of Chris Breen’s luxuriant hair?

    This could have been worse. They could have called it MacUser Insider.

  10. I use my abs when enjoying “Complete access” to Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing.

    If you know what *I* mean.

  11. Say, uh, @Magnanimous…

    You don’t suppose it’s just a coincidence that the photo of Moltz (the one that’s linked to from the text of this article) is posted in Gruber’s photostream… do you?

    Me? I’m thinkin’ “time-delay shutter” and “self-portrait.”

  12. Can I swap my MacWorld Insider Insider subscription to that naked lady on white stallion?
    (SnakeArtworX is looking around to see if his girlfriend is not around somewhere)

  13. ••••, • ••••••• •••• ••• • ••••• •••••••.

  14. I am the sole member of the Macworld Insider Insider Insider. You can’t believe how much it costs, or how I found out about it.

    (Hint: Steve Jobs was not happy about having to send it in his private jet to Outsourceistan.”)

    Of course, in lieu of Breen’s colonoscopy, I was given the complete video of Jobs’ liver transplant. And I have dibs on his left kidney if he ever decides he doesn’t need it.

    But the primo benefit of the Macworld Insider Insider Insider is the prototype lesbian ninja sexbot that has inside it’s shapely frame the signature of all its developers. (Including Larry Ellison.)

  15. •• •• ••! •••• •••, •••?! • •••’• ••••••• •• ••••!

  16. @Password- No, no! I didn’t mean it that way at all! I was trying to compliment you, on your elocutionary skills.

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