Highlighting what has become a difficult product launch for Microsoft, the Vista rollout was marred by violence today.
In a sign that the freshly revised operating system is under tremendous pressure after bad reviews and questions about its adoption rate, Vista showed up drunk at a launch party in an East Lansing, Mich., CompUSA.
Stumbling around the store, Vista knocked over a stack of Xboxes and threw up in an open Dell tower.
“Whaddar you lookin’ at?!” the aging celebrity snarled at frightened patrons.
“Yeah, I’m Vista! I’m all new!” the operating system said sarcastically. “At least certain parts of me. Like my graphics. And my tits. Yeah, that’s right. I had my boobs done!”
Vista curled up under a row of laptops and began to sob. Minutes later the operating system seemed to have forgotten its despondency and was bouncing around the store like a coke-fueled weasel when it was approached by an over-curious 13-year-old Landon Roberts.
“Don’t touch me!” Vista screamed suddenly, flailing its arms and landing a glancing blow on Roberts.
Roberts, a black belt in karate, proceeded to drop Vista like a dirty sock.
Microsoft declined to comment for this story and even refused to admit that it had ever heard of an operating system called “Vista.”