January MacWorld to be Lamest Apple Trade Show Ever; iPod to get Screen Saver.

In a bitter blow to Mac users everywhere, CARS has learned that Apple again has no major product announcements planned for the next trade show, January’s MacWorld San Francisco. Highly reliable sources have passed CARS an outline of a keynote in Steve Jobs’ handwriting that details the following highlights:

  • Introduction – 1 minute
  • Tout iPod – 10 minutes
  • Tout Mac OS X 10.1 – 10 minutes
  • Introduce guy from Lucas Arts for demo of new “Jar-Jar Binks Teaches Spelling” port – 15 minutes
  • Introduce Phil Schiller for crappy PhotoShop bake-off – 15 minutes (margin note: Frickin’ Adobe…)
  • Demonstrate new iTool: iHotOrNot? – 10 minutes
  • Beat stage hand to death after inevitable system crash – 2 minutes
  • Reveal new kind of iBooks: pre-scratched – 15 minutes
  • Juggle – 5 minutes
  • Sum up – 5 minutes
  • One more thing: Free iPod screen saver firmware update ($20 shipping and handling from Apple Store)

This disappointing turn of events marks the continuation of a trend by Apple toward de-emphasizing major trade shows, instead making product announcements as the products become available. Long-time trade show attendees complain, however, that this will only lead to a sharp drop-off in attendance. As usual, Apple refused comment when phoned and, in fact, became quite snippy. “Where did you get this outline?” “Who is this?” “What do you mean what am I wearing?” “We’re calling the police.” and so on.