Here’s our Live Coverage of Steve Jobs’ Macworld Keynote today. It’s one of those annoying things you have to read from the bottom up. I don’t know why we did it like that, frankly. It would have been just as easy to do it the other way. Uh, sorry… I guess…
One last thing! Steve’s introducing the 17″ iMac! Man, that is a sweet screen.
Thunk. Oops. It fell over.
It is a little top-heavy. He’s propped it back up again.
Thunk. Oop, there it goes again. Thunk. Thunk.
I think he’s getting mad. Schiller’s trying to help him. The Cingular guy moved in for another hug but Steve shoved him away. I don’t think anyone here wants to see Steve lose it. Even the rat’s helping.
There! Now it’s standing on its own!
iSync syncs iCal with your phone, your Palm, your iPod and “yo momma”. I’m not sure what he meant by that. He said it again. “Yo momma!” Is it a joke? I don’t get it.
Well, he’s moving on. Steve Carter of Cingular is talking – he’s applauding Apple for embracing standards. He’s going on and on about how great Apple is. Now he’s hugging Steve.
Still hugging. Still hugging.
OK, we’re getting into a weird area here…
iPod for Windows!? Oh c’mon, don’t let those weasels in on the fun! Damn Windows weasels.
Oh, oh, wait. Comes with a strong electrical shock. Ha. OK. Zzzzzzt!
iTunes 3.0 with support for Audible.com, enhanced playlists and free organ music. Yeah, he says 20 full hours of organ music for free. It’s a 4 gig download.
Who thought of that?
OK – 20GB iPod. Comes with belt case and remote control, does calendaring.
I swear, I don’t know why I come to these things. There’s always something that makes me feel screwed because now I’ve got yesterday’s iPod. No case, no remote… Ugh.
Now he’s talking about iCal. I can’t hear him – Chet’s moaning because he made himself sick on candy and soda. What is it? Calendaring? Calorie counting? California? Cal Ripken?
CHET, SHUT UP!
Man, someone should really do something about that rat.
iTools will be replaced by .Mac on September 30th. $100. Poke in the eye with a sharp stick will be administered at the Apple Store, or online if you have a webcam and are willing to administer a good strong poke yourself. Steve says “Don’t be grumpy. We also considered a swift kick to the groin, so…”
You do get 100mb of web space, which is nice. And your pizza is free if your file doesn’t transfer in less than three minutes. Oooh, cool. $50 for the first year for current users. We’ve probably spent that much on candy here today.
10.2 will be $129 and will be available on August 24th. $129? Why do I have the feeling I’m going to have to head over to Bank of America for a loan after this is over?
Ugh, I’m getting bored. I know all this stuff is interesting… I just can’t help thinking about Gil Amelio. I mean, I really feel sorry for the guy. It’d be so much better if he could be here, just in an honorary capacity. Instead he’s off in prison some place. That just doesn’t seem fair.
What? He’s not in prison? Are you kidding me? After what he did?
Well, now Chet has to go to the bathroom. I knew drinking all that soda was a mistake.
I’m not taking him. He’s a grown man, he can go by himself. Or let Emily take him for Crissake. Big baby.
Shut up, they’re talking about Inkwell.
OK – QuickTime 6. 1.5 million downloads. Really? MPEG-4 support. “Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon – except Microsoft.” Oooh, what a burn.
“But that’s yesterday’s news. We’re here to unveil QuickTime 7. It’s gonna be so cool.”
What the hell…?
Jaguar. People are getting excited! They know it’s coming! Jobs can barely get a word out over the crowd! They’re chanting “Schill-er! Schill-er! Schill-er!”
“Most advanced Unix in the world…” blah blah blah. Spring loaded folders blah blah blah. JUST INTRODUCE PHIL!
HERE HE COMES! YES! PEOPLE ARE GOING CRAZY! HA-HA! THIS IS GREAT! SCHILL-ER! SCHILL-ER!
People are screaming as he demos spring-loaded folders! Women are throwing their underwear up on to the stage as he demos the Finder search features! Oh, man!
OK, PhotoShop Elements 2.0 will integrate with iPhoto (guess they worked out that little fight) and finally Real Player is coming to OS X.
Hey, did anyone see that? What the hell was that? Back behind Steve. Was that a rat? There’s a big frickin’ rat behind Steve. No one’s doing anything. Someone should tell him!
STEVE THERE’S A BIG FRICKIN’ RAT RIGHT BEHIND YOU!
Good god, that’s a big rat.
Steve’s sticking it to Microsoft – he’s talking about OS X adoption rate. 77% of Mac users keeping it as default. “How many XP users are doing that? Huh? BITCH?” Jeez, he’s really getting into it. You go, girl.
Man, can he say that on a webcast? I haven’t heard language like this since the last time I visited my parents.
Ugh, he’s going on and on about the Switch ads. I mean, they’re good an everything, but the Entity’s just really pissed because he flew all the way out to Boston and they never used his ad. He’s pretty sure they were just yanking his chain. Something about Steve hating more advanced life forms.
Chet’s going to get a soda.
ANYBODY WANT ANYTHING? CHET’S GOING OUT SO… HEY, YOU IN THE MOOF SHIRT. CANDY BAR? GUMMI BEARS?
NO, YOU SHUT UP.
OK, Steve’s talking about the New York Apple Store.
Jeez, it’s like that damn Subway Series. WHO CARES? HELL-OOOOO? REST OF THE NATION HERE!
Steve takes the stage!
They’re showing the Switch ads.
I’ve seen these. The really, really skinny woman. The beard guy. The professor and Marianne.
Say, who out there digs Marianne, huh?! Yowza.
Chet thinks Professor should be capitalized. Chet can bite me.
SEEN THEM, APPLE! Saw them online, saw them on TV! Hell-ooooooooo?
Man, these Juicy Fruit are good…
Lights dim – the show is on!
Masako’s back and she’s pissed because they didn’t have Dots. She ended up with Juicy Fruit. But she doesn’t like Juicy Fruit.
I swear I am going to turn this car right around….
Chet’s back. Now Masako wants Dots.
I wish they’d just sit down. It’s driving me crazy.
Chet’s going to get popcorn.