InfoWorld's Tom Yager Gives Up On Trying To Get Fired.

After ten months of trying to get fired by mentioning Apple in nearly every column, InfoWorld’s Tom Yager has finally given up. His latest column does not mention Apple at all and Yager says the trend is likely to continue.

“Screw this,” Yager said. “I thought for sure that mentioning Apple week after week after week would net me a nice severance package. I mean, I’m the only one in the industry doing it. I’m totally off the ranch on this. And, yet, here I am… still gainfully employed.

“This sucks.”

Yager says he has been forced to go to his fall-back plan.

“I’m just going to start sexually harassing someone. I should have done this a long time ago.”

Yager is determined that this summer will be his summer of dreams.

“Lemonade, jumpin’ rope, hangin’ out at the ol’ swimmin’ hole… ahhh… that’s the stuff.

“Or, I may just drink a bottle of NyQuil every night and cry myself to sleep on the couch while watching my patented Ordinary People, Terms of Endearment and Lorenzo’s Oil marathon. I haven’t decided which.

“But the great thing is, I get to decide!” Yager said with a laugh.

Leaning out of his cubicle at InfoWorld’s headquarters, Yager called out to a passing coworker.

“Heeeeyyyy, Linda… Lookin’ mighty fine today! Mighty fine!”