Response to Feedback on Site Redesign

I knew comments were a mistake.

Well, it appears not everyone was thrilled with the new design. It’s my fault, really. I should have expected this from a bunch of fancy-pants Mac users who are used to having their tea served promptly at 4 PM with their choice of crumpets or digestive biscuits.

Specifically, people said…

  • I want to be able to read the past five stories on the main page.
  • The look is too dark.
  • The logo looks amteurish and unbefitting a site of your stature.
  • These links don’t link as well as the old links. The old links were linkier.
  • Who coded this? Baboons? Because it seems like it was coded by baboons.
  • This Chateau Neuf du Pape is tepid. Where is the usual sommelier? I’ll have you fired for this.
  • It doesn’t work in IE for Windows.
  • It doesn’t work in Mozilla for Linux.
  • It doesn’t work in iCab for OS 8.5.
  • It doesn’t work in Newt’s Cape for the Newton.
  • It doesn’t work in eWorld’s browser, whatever the hell that was.
  • I want to be able to read it on my Internet-enabled watch. However, I do not own an Internet-enabled watch. Can you buy me an Internet-enabled watch?
  • No, really, was it baboons? Because I work for a large company that’s about to outsource its IT department to a firm that uses baboons and I just want to know what I have to look forward to. Are they nice to work with?
  • What “stature”?
  • The new design causes data corruption on my Fat Angus Drive.
  • I want to go dancing. You never take me dancing anymore.
  • I want Helvetica Lite for PDAs as the font on the side bar and Andale Mono Trim for PDAs as the font for the story.
  • I want Copperplate Gothic Bold for Widescreen Displays as the font on the side bar and Optima Extra Black for Widescreen Displays as the font for the story.
  • I want shots of Masako naked.
  • I want shots of Howard naked.
  • I want a pony.

…aaaaaaand so on.

First of all, Howard is naked on the staff page.

Second, the fact that you’ll lounge about on your fat asses and criticize Masako’s work and then ask for pictures of her naked is… well… it’s, uh, just… representative of our demographic, apparently.

But, we recognize that some of these comments have merit, so Chet, who’s proving quite handy at this in Masako’s absence, did an emergency colorectomy this morning and returned some of the tone of the old design. Apparently the gray was causing a resurgence of some folks’ deep-seated depression.

We don’t want any jumpers.

But, uh, let’s just not mention this to Masako when she gets back, OK? I don’t need to be jabbed in the liver with a fork. That’s my drinkin’ liver.

On the main page, all of the errors that were not the fault of the Amazon links have been fixed (we think… without Masako we’re kind of coding blind). We don’t take any responsibility for Amazon’s sloppy code.

Additionally, the last five (5) stories will be on the front page in their entirety, unless we run into bandwidth problems with stories that have Howard’s fabulous pictures in them – they may get moved off after a day or two.

Everyone liked the comments, though. Some of you a little too much.

So… uh… welcome to CARS 2.001!

It’s a $20 upgrade.

Now let us never speak of it again.

– John Moltz, Editor-in-Chief