Mac User Just Lying To Himself.

According to friends and coworkers, Mac user Paul Doan continues to lie to himself. Years of rationalizing using the Macintosh through Apple’s many ups and downs has built up a web of lies that have Doan inextricably caught.

At his Stamford, Conn. home, Doan was asked about how he manages using a Mac in a predominantly Windows world.

“I have no problems at all!” Doan said enthusiastically. “The Mac is totally standards-based. I can integrate it into my office environment without any help from the PC support staff.”

“Did Paul tell you that?” he Doan’s friend, Jerry Gleason asked, shaking his head. “Because that’s total bull crap.”

Gleason indicated that he saw Doan struggling to figure out how to get his office email on his 1 GHz PowerBook.

“He wouldn’t admit it but he couldn’t get it to work. It’s like when he spent all those years going on about how protected memory was actually a bad thing.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Mac user myself. But Paul… I’m worried about him. I think he’s talked himself out on to a ledge.”

In addition to being a die-hard Macintosh supporter, Doan also claims he doesn’t use any Microsoft products at all.

“If I need to open an Office document,” Doan said, “I just use AbiWord or OpenOffice. It works like a charm! There are absolutely no formatting issues at all, and PC users never see garbage characters in the files I send them.”

“Oh, my god, Paul,” Gleason said upon hearing his friend’s words. “When will you realize you need help?! He’s only kidding himself and he’ll never get anywhere until he admits he has a problem!”

Doan only continued his unabated stream of lies.

“I play all the latest games! Like… uh… Well… there was that one… uh…

“Look, I just do, OK?

“Transferring files back and forth from my office PC to my Mac at home is a breeze!

“Everything is done via web standards today and since the Mac conforms to all web standards, there’s never an issue.”

Doan laughed nervously, let out a whine and clawed momentarily at his face.