Tevanian Invests Money Wisely, While Rubinstein Spends It Frivolously.

After exercising stock options to the tune of $11.2 million and $9.6 million respectively last week, Apple Chief Technology Officer Avie Tevanian and Senior Vice President of the iPod Division Jon Rubinstein have spent their money in very different ways.

Tevanian has invested his money wisely and securely, while Rubinstein has frittered his away on extravagant purchases.

“I really just wanted to diversify my portfolio, Tevanian said. “Having the bulk of your assets tied up in any one stock is never a good idea, particularly when it’s the same company that generates your personal annual income.

“I think a lot of Enron employees who lost both their savings and their salaries could tell you that,” he added, shaking his head sadly.

Tevanian has invested his cashed-out stock options in an asset-allocated fund specially designed for his needs, as well as several secure real estate opportunities.

“I’m fortunate enough to make an extremely comfortable living,” he said, “but sound investing is a discipline that can provide rewards even to those on meagre incomes.”

“Hey, I bought a hippo!” an excited Rubinstein could be heard yelling into random rooms as he walked down a hallway at One Infinite Loop.

“Yeah, he gets here on Saturday! I’m gonna have a whole water park built for him! You’re all invited to a party when it’s done! It’s gonna be so cool!”

In the last seven days, Rubinstein has also purchased ten high performance sports cars, paid for the construction of an in-house aviary which he filled with exotic birds, and spent thirty minutes throwing ten-dollar bills off a Cupertino overpass, causing several accidents and nearly inciting a riot.

“Good thing I also bought a personal cadre of hired goons!” Rubinstein said, his fingers glittering with gold rings from beneath the cuffs of a silk smoking jacket.

“Tomorrow I’m going to be looking at some memorabilia. I’ve got my eye on the Fonz’s jacket from Happy Days and some original Spock ears. And then later I’m looking at some mummified corpses! I think they’re Incan or Mayan or Aztec or whatever.

“Who cares, right? What’s important it being known as the guy with the mummified corpses!”

Tevanian simply shook his head sadly again as Rubinstein was carried off in a chair by four coolies for his 3 PM mud bath.