Based on a brilliant trick of temporal causality discovered by Paul Thurrott and detailed on his SuperSite for Windows, Microsoft announced today that it has claimed all features to “infinity times infinity.”
According to Thurrott’s thesis, because Microsoft has announced that advanced file meta-data search features will be a part of Longhorn (now slated to be delivered when a race of intelligent apes rules the world), Apple is in fact copying Microsoft with its Spotlight search feature which will be introduced in the Tiger update.
Which will be released in the first half of 2005.
Thurrott, knowingly or unknowingly, shattered several of the basic tenets of causality that have been in place since first being discovered by the Greeks over two thousand years ago.
And Microsoft couldn’t be happier.
“After reading Thurrott’s column, we realized that by simply saying that we are going to included all possible features in some upcoming release sometime, we can lay claim that Apple is copying us in anything they do,” Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said.
The best part of this for Microsoft, experts say, is that the company need never actually introduce these features ever.
“It’s a complete win for Microsoft,” said the New York Times’ David Pogue. “By ‘calling’ the superior ground in feature sets, in this case ‘infinity times infinity’, the company never again has to worry about the charge that they’ve stolen ideas from Apple. Indeed, they have turned the tables and now, ironically, Apple is stealing from them!
“Ha-ha! It’s really all quite amusing!” Pogue laughed.
“Uh, unless you still subscribe to more traditional notions of causality in which case it’s just kind of pathetic.”
When reached for comment Apple chuckled mordantly.