Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.


Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Q: I have a brand new Mac Mini that I’m using with an older Apple Studio Display. I’m using the provided adapter and it seems to work fairly well, but… sometimes… there’s… some… itching. In a place where you don’t really want there to be any itching.
A: Oh. But it’s just an itching, not a burning?
Q: Well, sometimes there’s a burning. When… when I change resolutions.
A: I see. Is it possible that it’s just resolution chafing?
Q: Resolution chafing?
A: When resolutions rub against each other as a monitor’s resolutions are changed.
Q: Uh… I don’t think that’s it. It’s an itching… in my groin.
A: I… realize that. I’m just wondering if maybe you’re sitting really close to your monitor.
Q: Well… I do sit pretty close to it.
A: Are you… touching it?
Q: Um… parts of me.
A: Hmm. You know, I think this is where I refer you to a specialist.
Q: Oooh! A specialist! Yay!

Q: Uh, yes, I don’t have a Mac Mini and I have a newer Apple Cinema display, but I saw the previous question and I wondered… am I not supposed to be rubbing myself up against my 20-inch?
A: [snort] Heh-heh. Heh. Dude!
Q: What? I… oh! Ha-ha! I just… Ha!
A: You just said… ha-ha!
Q: Ha-ha! Ha! Ooooh, man! “Rubbing myself up against my 20-inch”! Ha-ha! Ooooooh!
A: Ha-ha! Ha!
Q: Whooo! No. No, really! Ha-ha! No. What I meant was…
A: Yeah, what did you mean! Ha-ha!
Q: Ahhh… What I meant was… ha-ha… should I not be humping my Apple 20-inch monitor. That’s what I meant.
A: It’s a Cinema Display, not a Studio Display, right?
Q: Right.
A: Oh, yeah. You can rub yourself all over those babies. Have at it.
Q: Oh, great! Thanks!

Q: I’ve got a Sawtooth G4 with a tape drive backup system… but screw all that! Let’s talk about the Super Bowl, baby!
A: Yeah! Super Bowl Sunday! Alright!
Q: So who do you like?
A: Uh… I like… the, uh, blue guys!
Q: The… Patriots, you mean?
A: Right! The Patriots!
Q: By how many points?
A: Oh, uh, they’re going to take the green guys in the third period by, like, a million runs. No doubt.
Q: A million…
A: Um… baskets.
Q: Yeah. You don’t really know anything about football, do you.
A: No. Actually, I’m going to spend most of Sunday afternoon watching hot Latin chicks on Telemundo.
Q: Ah. Do you… speak Spanish?
A: Um… no. But that’s never affected my enjoyment before.
Q: Hmm. I guess there’s no reason it would.

21 thoughts on “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  10. Right 2000guitars. After all, the monitor is just the DISPLAY unit. All looks no action. And to make it worse, FLAT PANELS!!!! All looks, no actions, NO DEPTH. Sheeesh, if you want action, you have to go for HARD Drives, or JOYSTICKS, especially those force feed back ones.

  14. Used Monitors,,,The dregs of the computer world. Now with recycling fees school districts are trying to deal with drive-by donations.

    Me: Look we really don’t need any monitors right now.

    Lying public: Hey you educators are alwaysw complaining about not enough money for computer and here you won’t take a perfectly good monitor!

    Me: Are you sure it is in good working order.

    Lying public: Yes! It’s in great shape!

    Me: then why aren’t you keeping it.

    Lying public: My new computer came with a new monitor.

    Me: Well, if you are sure the monitor is ok.

    Lying public: Yes! Yes! Oh, and please give me a reciept for tax purposes. Pull down the monitor is worth $600.

    Me: Hey, its a five year old 17″ monitor, a new one is not worth that much.

    Lying public: Hey This is a special type…besides the school is getting it for free.

    Yeah, old monitors are the whores of the computer world, and their “owners” are the pimps.

  15. Shit!!! Not another risque CARS.

    And just as I finish paying the therapist after the delicious library stuff.

    SON OF A BITCH!!!

    Kinda explains the sticky keys on the secondhand PB though.

    AAARRRGGHHHH!!!!!

  16. See, who thought it was a good idea to call a programme ‘Sticky Keys’, eh?

    With the addition of an appropriate question mark, that’s a better name for a cleaning product.

    Or wry observation about someone’s social life.

  18. Hot Latin chicks on Telemndo? When did they start doing this?

    Seriously, I’m just glad to see that they’ve really made the study of Latin more interesting by introducing hot chicks.

    I mean, the Latin club at my high school had absolutely no hot babes at all. Just a bunch of pencil-necked, pimply-faced, tape-on-the-glasses geeks. Um, that’s what I, uh, heard.

    Anyway, maybe hot Latin chicks will keep the boys from rubbing up against their monitors.

  20. Sometimes this site seems to have a little too much free association going on.

    Zinc? Zinc????

    Zinc isn’t even very interesting or funny.

    Not like Xenon! Warrior Noble Gas!!

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