Power Mac G6 "Really, Really Shiny."

While Crazy Apple Rumors has been unable to pin down detailed specifications of the machine that will undoubtedly bring the Mac platform to a new level of performance, it has been able to determine that the Power Mac G6 will be really, really shiny.

Sources within Apple’s hardware development division indicate that, indeed, the Mac’s future may be so bright that you will be required, per a special user license agreement, to wear shades.

“This is the logical next step in Apple’s hardware design progression,” said Macworld Magazine editor Jason Snell.

“The first Power Mac G3s were beige. Then came the Blue and White G3, the charcoal G4, the mirror door G4 and finally the aluminum G5s. A really, really shiny G6 is just the next step toward the final goal – a Power Mac that will actually blind its user.

“A lot of people don’t realize this but Apple really doesn’t like its customers,” Snell added.

Snell darkly hinted that incidents such as PowerBook adapters that caught fire and that guy who got beaten with an iPod were no accident. He even went so far as to say that he knew for a fact that the Mac mini was originally supposed to just blow up when plugged in.

While CARS was unable to confirm these allegations, it was able to spot several highly tanned members of the Power Mac development group exiting One Infinite Loop, indicating that Apple is indeed working on really shiny technology.

Currently, the known specifications of the Power Mac G6 are:

  • IBM G6 processor
  • Firewire 800
  • USB 2.0
  • Hard drive
  • Some kind of graphics card
  • Way too little RAM
  • Really shiny

Supporting these specs is information from sources at the smelter that Apple usually gets its aluminum from indicating that the company is now asking for large quantities of chrome or other shiny materials such as reflectium or impossium.

Which is not to be confused with possium which is the metal possums are made of.

CARS will pass on more details of the Power Mac G6 as they emerge.

44 thoughts on “Power Mac G6 "Really, Really Shiny."”

  1. Oh, and CARS is ranked third in a Google search for “Phil Schiller,” right after the Apple executive bios.

  2. “Apple doesn’t like it’s costumers.”

    My powerbook is giving my regular beatings.

    I think I deserve it.

    Because, you know, I’m not actually worth owning a Powerbook.

    Maybe an Precision, but not an Apple.

  3. ooh I was so excited I even mis-typed.

    Sorry Huck, that should have been eleventh.

  4. “Currently, the known specifications of the Power Mac G6 are:

    Really shiny”

    I’ll have to wait for an upgrade before I can get a “Really, Really Shiny” Power Mac G6… damn…

  5. Ok, so thats the latest on the G6… no give us what we’ve all been waiting for, already! Tell us about what we’re all waiting for, the G10!!! Would.. burning magnesium be a good comparison? And how long until we get it? Hopefully not before the sexbots, I want to be able to see them… but soon!

  6. And the G7 will take the theme the next logical step!!! It won’t be merely shiny, it will Shine like the Sun… From radiated heat!!!

    Yes Apple will not have solved the heat problem, but they will have figured out how to built a computer that can function at an internal temperature of 10,000 F.

    Shades will no longer be sufficient. Sunblock rated at SPF 60 and a really, really long set of adbestos cables will be required.

  7. “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea”.

    So it is in the rumor world.

    USB 2.0 AND a hard drive. I’m waiting with baited breath.

    Although if Apple continue on there minimalist path who knows, maybe all we get is an IDE cable everything else being optional.

  8. In an attempt to be one step ahead of the game, I welded my old G3 iMac to my new G5 iMac using an arc welder, which by a process of simple mathematics should have given me the new G8 iMac. Although the new machine did indeed glow very brightly for a few seconds, as indeed did the curtains behind the machine, it soon adopted a more, well, black colour. Has any other reader had the same problem? Should I have repaired permissions before doing this?

  9. Adamantium? Why not?

    Not only is it shiny, but can grow giant claws in an instant. It can be touted as a feature. A very shiny, sharp-clawed feature.

    Professor Xavier could even do the commercials.

  10. “I’m waiting with baited breath.”

    So what are you using for bait? Sardines? Are you trying to catch seagulls? In your mouth?!?

    Are these seagulls carrying the specs for the new G6, or something?

    I don’t get it…

  11. Righ so I’ve been skimming (without reading) the comments for, honestly, what seems like secconds now and I am outraged! Has no-one commented on the mis-use of possum the story? It’s Opossum people! Opossum!

    It’s about diversity and inclusivity people — let’s not marginalize or ignorantly lump into potentially damaging sterotypes the dignity of the great Opossum.


  12. the hell…’

    I think what you call an Opossum depends on where you are from.

    People on the west coast call it a possum.

    People from the inner city call it a big mfing rat.

    People from the south call it “dang good eats.”

    People in big pickup trucks call it two points or a bump.

    People from PETA call it a fellow being endowed with innate nobility and worth.

    I sincerely apologize for the offensive material above. It does “marginalize or ignorantly lump into potentially damaging sterotypes” both Opossums and people. I am therefore sentencing myself to a sensitivity session this weekend. (I think a good hour-long massage should do it.)

  13. I’m kinda thinkin’ that ‘LASER’ should be the next step after ‘shiny’. Strong enough to burn holes in people. Beam that data right into your head. That’ll beat Firewire 50,000….

  14. Guys, there’s no such thing as “Impossium”. You’re probably thinking of “Unobtanium”.


  15. Guys, there’s no such thing as “Impossium”. You’re probably thinking of “Unobtanium”.


  16. Guys, there’s no such thing as “Impossium”. You’re probably thinking of “Unobtanium”.


  17. Quick, Androgen! Get a match and light it! Just don’t let the fire go right up your butt and…yuck…

    Was out once with a group of med students and interns at Cook County Hospital in Chicago (not a nice place). They talked about a guy who did that very thing and burned his, well, you get the picture. Very painful for a long while….

  18. This has gone far enough. Apple product developments are secret. Divulge your sources or suffer immediate castration.

  19. I think the main point of the article was missed. This rumor confirms that Apple is indeed working on sex-bots; shiny metallic possums being the first prototype. Granted, they’d only sell well in the South, but hey you gotta start somewhere.

    I fully acknowledge that was not very sensitive, but also acknowledge that I really don’t care.

  20. Personally, I’ll wait until they issue the firmware upgrade that makes it less than painfully shiny, but simultaneously requires that an iPod be hooked up to the Mac for it to boot up.

  21. Sparklium. Twinklium. Snapcracklepopium.

    Muirrorrium, the only palindromic, mirror symmetric element.

    Retsynium: two, two, two (ele)mints in one.

    All extremely radioactive and unstable, I’m afraid.

    And Dell boxes are made from Ho-humium.

  22. i didn’t crap my pants today, but even so, you guys at CARS (including the commenting gang) are very funny. every visit is a pleasure. cheers. p

  23. Actually, there are both opossums and possums. The marsupially-deprived Americas only have *one* marsupial – the opossum. Australia and New Guinea, on the other hand, are positively *infested* with possums (46 different species). And don’t even get me started on the feral brushtail possums (all 70 million of them!) in New Zealand. The thought of adding to this with shiny possum sexbots is just scary. Apple – don’t do it!

  24. “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea”.

    The seagulls are us, the trawler is Apple and the sardines are shiny Power Macs.

    That’s my interpretation of Eric Cantona’s quote.

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