Jobs Faces Eco-Group, Others, At Annual Meeting


As has already been reported by several news outlets, Apple CEO Steve Jobs was confronted by members of an environmental group at Apple’s annual meeting last week.

What has not been widely reported, how Jobs was also confronted by representatives of several other groups. According to sources who attended the meeting (for the third year in a row, Crazy Apple Rumors Site reporters were wrestled to the ground outside the meeting, but the joke is on them because we’re starting to like it), Jobs faced questioning from the following groups:

  • Members of a seniors organization repeatedly showed Jobs pictures of their grandkids and demanded to know if they weren’t the cutest ever. They also explained that they were in a lot of pain and detailed their latest surgeries.
  • A group of Star Trek nerds asked Jobs which he thought was the best time-travel episode: “City on the Edge of Forever” from the original series or “Yesterday’s Enterprise” from the Next Generation. When Jobs said both were good, the Star Trek nerds seemed satisfied, nodding and laughing “Yeah. Huh-huh. They’re both good.” before sitting down and listening to the rest of the meeting in polite silence.
  • A gap-toothed 19th century Scottish factory worker with a bad cough demanded to know why Jobs didn’t “come down to poob anymoor.” Jobs responded that he had never been down to the pub, prompting the gap-toothed 19th century Scottish factory worker with a bad cough to ask if this was not the Cisco Systems annual meeting. Upon learning that, no, this was not the Cisco Systems annual meeting, the gap-toothed 19th century Scottish factory worker with a bad cough expressed his embarrassment and excused himself. But not after bumming a couple of “quid” from Avie Tevanian for a “carriage ride” over to the Cisco campus.
  • Four fraternity brothers dressed in nothing but loin cloths presented Jobs with a paddle and asked that he spank them repeatedly to “complete their initiation.” Jobs declined to comply as there was ample evidence these weren’t fraternity brothers – at least not in the traditional sense – as the youngest appeared to be in his late 30s and another was carrying a copy of a magazine entitled Executive Spanking.

All, however, were Apple shareholders and entitled to attend the meeting. Including, oddly enough, the gap-toothed 19th century Scottish factory worker with a bad cough.

32 thoughts on “Jobs Faces Eco-Group, Others, At Annual Meeting”

  5. There’s a couple of executives I’d like to spank with a plank if you know what I mean.

  6. But CARS reporters are not shareholders, right?

    Seriously though, the latest issue of Executive Spanking has an interview with James Spader. (They can’t seem to get over Secretary.) He does disclose that he owns Apple stock though, big time.

  12. I’d just like to say that I was in no way involved in wrestling Moltz to the ground.

    Sure, I slipped a ten-spot to one of the departing Union soldiers from last week to give him a rifle butt to the kidneys, but I would never countenance wrestling him to the ground. Especially when he begs for it.

    -jcr

  13. “come down to poob anymoor.”

    What the…? Closer to Yorkshire and still very poor.

    Come doon tae th’ pub anymair.

    At least that’s accurate for my birthplace, go 20 miles and it’s something completely different.

  14. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Cisco down at the pub in months! Borland and Genentech are in there most nights, and HP drops around for a game of darts on occasion.

    Google’s getting better at billiards, too. I don’t think I’ll be taking their money so easily in the future.

    -jcr

  16. Shouldn’t it be “not BEFORE bumming a couple of “quid” from Avie Tevanian for a “carriage ride” over to the Cisco campus.” ? I mean, otherwise he left without doing it – which would be quite impossible!

  18. That’s “Sisko,” not “Cisco.” Now let the “Who is the best Star Trek captain?” debate rage on!

  20. That depends.. are we talking Captain we’d want to serve under? I think Picard has lost a lot less underlings than Kirk.

    Really though, I’m a Deep Space Nine kind of Gal and I have to say I think the best time traveling episode is, “Trials and Tribble-ations”.

  22. KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK!

    KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK!

    KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK!

    KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK! KIRK!

  23. Kirk

    Picard is too PC.

    Sisko is too scary.

    Janeway is too touchy-feelie.

    Archer is too inept.

  24. ah wood like t’ registaar a complayaint! Why wood it be ‘odlay anoof’ that a 19th centry factry warker wood own a bit of apple stock, eh?! w’ave got to make a quid or two, ah, too, ya know! Yure racist ah tell ya, racist!

    Whare’s me pint anyway?! Brilliant!

  26. I vote for Picard. He has the best of both worlds (pun intended): An artificial heart AND Borg implants!

    …and, speaking of implants, SEVEN OF NINE! (There. I said it. C’mon, you know you were thinking it as soon as you saw the words “Borg implants.”)

  27. Have you lost your Vulcan minds? The best captain in Star Trek was Kirk. Hand’s down. And I can tell you, he was there for me many times.

    Not only when I was suffering from pon farr and Kirk accepted my koon-ut-kal-if-fee more than once! He survived that lirpa more than once over the years as the ahn-woon continued late into the nights.

    Hey, you try surviving Plak tow without a good friend like Jim. I tell you, he’s my bud.

    He is the greatest captain.

    And watching him bow hunt that Alaskan brown bear was impressive too! And his wife’s a babe. Maybe not major babe like Janeway in her prime. But then, what is a captain. Heels and a nice pair of legs? Or a great kal-if-fee?

  28. I can tell you one thing, I would *NEVER* server under Kirk if my shirt was red. Hell they won’t even sell you life insurance if you’re a red shirt on TOS.

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