Certain reactionary elements of the technology world have preemptively denounced any move to employ the Trusted Computing capabilities of Intel’s chipsets Apple might be considering. Digital rights advocate Cory Doctorow provided a manifesto for this kookie collection of commies, indicating that if Apple were to make such a move “the blood of the unbelievers would flow in the streets” (paraphrasing).
For Mac users unfamiliar with the technology, Trusted Computing either…
- Allows software vendors to make computers more secure through the use of dedicated hardware
- Lets Microsoft determine which hours of the day you can use vowels
… depending on who you ask.
People have varying theories about the extent to which Trusted Computing allows software vendors to limit your capabilities, but sensible Apple follower and flossing advocate John Gruber believes that Apple’s main goal is to prevent OS X from running on non-Apple hardware.
“They may also stop you from performing bizarre sexual acts on your computer,” Gruber added. “Which may be what has Doctorow so upset. I don’t know. I’m just speculating there. I don’t know for a fact he performs bizarre sexual acts with his Mac. I’m just saying that that could be a reason he’s so upset.
“You know… if he likes to violate his Mac and thinks he won’t be able to do that in the future.
“Some people like that kind of thing. I don’t. But it’s possible Doctorow does. I don’t know, though. Just thinking out loud.”
Gruber went on to note that Doctorow would be well advised against throwing around idle words about switching platforms, because “the dude may find himself singing a different tune once he starts performing his perverted sex acts with some ugly-assed GNU/Linux box. Just saying is all.”
Others pointed out that this is not the first time the man described by some as “a degenerate commie” has penned reactionary commentary.
“In reality he’s just a counterrevolutionary anarchist who has it in for Dear Leader. I mean Steve Jobs. Cory’s the kind of guy that would rather blow up the Apple world than do the hard work of lobbying Apple and whining relentlessly and showing up at shareholder meetings and otherwise working within the system to get them to eventually, after years and years of dedicated effort… uh… probably continue to ignore you, actually. But, um…
“Cory also smells like feet.”
Undeterred, Doctorow fired back at his critics.
“That’s not a cut. I just think he’d be really good at it. From… you know… from reading his writing.
“Just… I mean… if he’s interested… I know some people… who… run a site… that… publishes… Stargate SG-1 fan fiction…
“They pay like $15 an episode.
“Oh, and just for the record, my feet have a condition. A condition!”
Apple declined to comment for this story, but stated that while it does enjoy Battlestar Galactica, it doesn’t watch Stargate SG-1, because that MacGyver guy gives the company hives.