Crowd Shuffles Vaguely In The Direction of Dell Laptops.

Just days after several people were injured when a crowd of people stampeded for a chance to buy $50 used iBooks, a crowd of people has been spotted shuffling vaguely in the general direction of $50 used Dell Inspirons.

According to sources at the CompUSA in Norwalk, Conn., the crowd has been moving slowly toward the Inspirons at an almost zombie-like amble since about 9 AM this morning.

“They certainly kind of vaguely seem to be moderately interested in perhaps considering getting one of these Inspirons,” said store manager Dale Sidler, looking out the window of the store at the crowd.

“Or, possibly, they’re headed to the Ross next door. They’re having a sale on camisoles. It’s hard to tell right now.

“Or they could be headed into the alley behind the Mexican place.”

Cindee Lee, a reporter for WFSB in Hartford, described the scene on the station’s six o’clock broadcast.

“Dennis, I’ve been following this developing situation all day and something is finally happening! The crowd appears to be making its move toward the Inspirons. Yes! Yes! They’re really moving now! Like a Segway on a really low battery charge! One member of the crowd is moving toward the door of the CompUSA and I think he’s going to go in… oop. Oh… oh, no. Uh… Well, now they’re wandering off again. There was something shiny across the mall parking lot and they seem to have… um… well, now they’re just going around in a circle, Dennis.

“But they’re definitely modestly somewhat remotely interested in checking out those laptops and, um, seeing if there’s some sort of value to be had there. This is Cindee Lee reporting.”

Inside, CompUSA customer Ron Findley idly looked at the table full of $50 Inspirons after shopping for a scroll-wheel mouse.

“Inspirons, huh?” he asked Sidler.

“Mmm-hmm,” Sidler replied.



“Hmm,” Findley mused, holding up one of the laptops to examine it. Putting it back down slowly, Findley said “I think I’ll just take the mouse.”

Sidler indicated that the Inspirons will be available on the folding table in the back of the store between the DVDs and the Apple section until they are sold or shoplifted.

43 thoughts on “Crowd Shuffles Vaguely In The Direction of Dell Laptops.”

  1. Sir,

    This is an unwarranted attack on the good folk of Connecticut and the skilled, technological expertise of the staff of Dell Computers.

    Dell Computers are hand-built by dusky virgins, each piece, prayed over and blessed by a Shaman or Catholic Priest, taken to their vast test campus and tested for three years before release to the marketing department. Be assured that my shareholding has not coloured my much admired judgement.

    Without Connecticut’s superb metal-working skills, we would have been deprived of fine timepieces and firearms.

    Moltz sir, you are a disgrace to humanity, and if you were in my regiment, I would have had you paraded at dawn, decided by a fine Connecticut timepiece, publicly flogged with a Connecticut cat o’ nine tails and shot with Connecticut firearms.

    Disgusted Col Retd

  2. Addendum:-The fathering of three children with a well known female Hartford radio presenter has no bearing on the previous submission.

    Disgusted Col Retd

  3. 50 bucks for a Dell laptop? Wow, that’s one expensive doorstop. And not a very good doorstop at that.

  4. Sweet I just shoplifted 50 Dell Inspirons.

    I’m going to tie them together and make them into a boat anchor.

  5. Does CompUSA even sell Dell?

    Lack of attention to detail. Yet another piece of evidence that Moltz has offshored the content and is drunk as skunk on cough syrup in the corner.

    Very sad. First Roger Clemens, now this.

  6. You know, instead of criticizing, Philo, you could help out.

    How can you help out?

    Well, for starters, you can organize some kids in your neighborhood to go around to pick up trash. You could take an elderly person grocery shopping. Scrub some graffiti off that statue in the park.

    Or make up a modestly plausible reason why CompUSA would be selling used Dells.

    All of those are great ways to help your community and make you feel better about yourself.

  7. Couldn’t you just Linux on them? Linux is almost like Mac OS X without the good user interface, right?

    Or is that a BMW?

    I keep forgetting.

  8. CompUSA signs Dell to new test program! This was recently discovered when CARS broke the story that a folding table in the back of the store contained $50 Inspirons.

  9. CARS is providing a service with real reporting here.

    This sort of thing is underreported in the media in general. For example, last month at the Goodwill store, I was trapped in an aisle between a dusty Dell Latitude and a large woman who was trying to get a better look at it. She stepped on my foot! Did she apologize? No, in fact she gave me a dirty look, as if I was in the wrong. These people are out of control.

    Now, you can bet that if it had been a 128K Mac, we Mac zealots would have splashed the incident all over the internet.

    By the way, the woman was dusty too. Maybe that’s why she was drawn to it.

    I was not dusty however.

  10. We at Dell invented the sale. Yes, we were the first to put any product on sale. No one did it before us, we’re pioneers. Some may say some old Egyptian dung bettle salesman in 2,500 BC had the first sale. But Dell went back in a time machine and sold a Dell Pentium Pro desktop to a camel jockey for three bat and a one-eyed chicken.

    I taught amemnope how to barter. Here’s one thing he wrote after taking the sales class from me:

    “Do not move the scales, do not change the weights and do not diminish the parts of the bushel… Do not create a bushel that contains two, lest you will near the abyss. The bushel is the eye of Re. He loathes him who defrauds.” – The teachings of Amenemope

    Yep, without me, he’d have remained an assistant to a camel dung removal engineer.

    Nobody beats dell!

  11. May I proffer some assistance young Johnny.

    Dell have offered to recycle all used computers and offer a top model Vista running unit for 1% of the recommended price. They are contracted with CompUSA who act as resellers for the still working models.

    Does that count as a modestly plausible explanation for CompUSA to be selling Inspirons?

    No, I didn’t think it was.

    Ah well. Another rejection slip to add to the pile. Thinks ‘Wonder if CompUSA would sell them?’

  12. Wooohhooo!!!

    That was funny!

    Good going Mr. Moltz.

    HAHAHAHAHAH ah ha he.

  13. Let it be a lesson to us all that if a finicky colonel has every soldier in his regiment that happens to disgust him shot, eventually he has no regiment and must retire, like our friend “Disgusted Col Retd.”

  14. While reading this, I lost my lunch.


    It’s 6 freaking PM and I’m going home. I’ve been too busy too eat my lunch, and now I’ve lost it.

    By Monday this office gonna be rank. Bets on which odor will be the worst – old warm pear, old warm turkey sammich with mayo, or old potato salad.

    I ate the Fritos around 2:30. I have *some* priorities.

  15. Maybe it’s just me, but even if I saw *NEW* Dell Uninspirons on sale for $50 I still wouldn’t be tempted. In fact I’d still consider it a rip-off.

    Drop them to $5 and I’ll reconsider my position. $5 isn’t too much to pay for a paperweight.

  16. I’m surprised that Michael still lets people order Dell servers *without* my OS on it, you can get several different Linuxs and even “no OS”. What the hell is *that* about? Sheesh, last time he gets a ride on my yacht.

    Dwartz, I’m betting the farm on the potatoe salad to be the king of stink. Just like Balmer! Where should I ship the farm to if I’m wrong?

  17. C’mon! For 50 bucks you can get a wonderful Dell laptop!

    Just take it home, boot it up, and wait for the Blue Screen of Death.

    When it appears, grab the nearest sledgehammer or other large object and BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF IT.

    Trust me, it’ll be one of the funnest things you’ve done.

    Buy in bulk and have the best day ever!

  18. Now why didn’t I think of that iBode? Some people pay hundreds of dollars for therapy, for that kind of money I have have half a dozen “sessions”.

    But who’s gonna pick up all the pieces after one of these sessions? Is that part of my “therapy” too?

  19. Just get some white spray paint, coat the pieces, and let the word out you’re giving out iBook pieces for FREE.

    You might want to sweep them out into the yard though, be because the damage to your house could be substantial.

  20. “Dennis, I’ve been following this developing situation all day…”

    I can’t help but hear Michael Palin’s voice in the “Getting eaten by a crocodile” Python sketch.

    Or maybe its a BlackAdder episode. Hmm…


  22. “Couldn’t you just Linux on them?”

    uhhhh…gee… I never Linuxed on anyone before. I would be a-scared.

  23. dell inspiron. hmm. i might need one of those. good tea-trays are hard to come by these days. or i could use it as a stand for my ibook.

Comments are closed.