Apple Promotes Limited Edition Action Figure.


Less than a week after promoting Senior Vice President Tim Cook, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that Apple has made another major promotion.

According to sources, a limited edition Boba Fett action figure was named Vice President of Hardware Vendor Management – a position that handles all of Apple’s relationships with third-party hardware suppliers.

“This is a fantastic move up for the Boba Fett limited edition action figure, said Creative Strategies’ Tim Bajarin.

“Previously the action figure was just handling purchasing decisions for special circuit boards for the iBook line,” Bajarin said, “So the move is something of a surprise.

“Plus, I mean, it’s just sort of surprising the company is using an action figure to broker deals with hardware vendors. I don’t even know how that would work. Does someone hold it up and talk with an action figure-like voice? I don’t get it.”

Some at Apple were more upset than confused by the move.

“This is ridiculous,” said an already slighted Jon Rubinstein.

“I get passed over for being next in line if Steve retires and then they promote the Boba Fett action figure? Limited edition or no, that’s not right.

“He’s even getting a corner office. I run the fricking iPod division and I don’t have a corner office.”

Echoing Rubinstein’s complaints, others at Apple believe the whole promotion is nothing but office politics.

“Well, not to say anything bad about the Boba Fett limited edition action figure,” said an employee who spoke on the condition of anonymity, “but I see him having lunch with all the ‘playahs’ all the time and I hear he does Pilates with Avie.

“But still, he’s fully articulate. You can put him in any position. And he’s made of premium soft vinyl. So, it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it.”

Deserved or not, the limited edition Boba Fett action figure is expected to start its new job on Monday.

33 thoughts on “Apple Promotes Limited Edition Action Figure.”

  1. Whats next? Chewy co MCing at Apple special event number 4 December 26th 2005?

    “Grwaawww Horrwaaaa Wahraaaa” – Chewy

    “Thats right chewy, our new iPod has music, photo, video AND landscaping.” – Steve

    “Grrrrahhhawwww” – Chewy

    “Yeah, just look at those little things mow that hedge and put in a pond” – Steve

  2. I’m just glad I’m not a third-party hardware vendor. Boba Fett is one tough cookie, and I’m betting his limited edition action figure is just like him.

    Apple’s playing for keeps, that’s for sure.

  3. I’m claiming first post, because nobody else has, AND I had this article sitting in my browser for a few minutes as I READ IT before realizing that no comments had been posted. I then reloaded to find a couple.

    Anyway there’s a typo: Some at Apple were upset than confused by the move.

    More upset?

  5. G.I. Joe has been mowing my lawn for years. It takes him all afternoon, but he works for very little (leftover bubble wrap) and does a right good job. I might promote him to pool guy if I ever get a pool.

  8. You know, Wysz, someday you’re going to have to get a first post on your own. Like, for real. Instead of impersonating people or declaring that your third post is a first post.

    Keep trying! I know you can do it!

    Seriously, Boba Fett? Vader should so get promoted over him.

  14. To me this is no surprise, albeit a slight deviation from the norm. I’ve long suspected the entire Apple board to be Aardmaan creations. But then again reality means very little to me. I find it serves no practical purpose.

  15. We’ve checked our notes and Rubinstein said “Limited edition or no” so whether or not that’s correct English, the quote’s correct.

  20. Andrew: Hello? It’s called knocking.

    Spike: Knock-knock, Robot Boy. You need to look at my chip.

    Jonathan: Is that, like, British slang or something? ‘Cause we’re not…

    Warren: We’re kinda in the middle of something.

    Spike: Oh, you can play holodeck another time.

    Spike: Examine my chip, or else Mr. Fett here is the first to die.

    Jonathan: Hey! All right – let’s not do anything crazy here.

    Andrew: That’s a limited edition 1979 mint-condition Boba Fett!

    Andrew: Dudes, I think that’s Spike.

    Jonathan: Of course it is, and he’s evil. Completely capable of removing that head.

  21. I would have had first position, except that I was not online, or possibly asleep, at the time.

    Instead, I’ll have to settle for 21, which in many ways is better (e.g. see the aforementiones sleep).

    Plus, if you can imagine, I hear that Microsoft has been planning for months to promote a Big Jim to head of marketing. Which is bad for their competition, since he does have a Kung Fu Grip(tm).

    Also, a Real Action Alligator on his swamp boat.

    It might just be FUD.

  22. > But then again reality means very little to me.

    > I find it serves no practical purpose.

    Streetrabbit is Karl Rove?

    Let’s just say I’m really surprised.

  23. Welcome, Boba Fett limited edition action figure. Seriously. Welcome to the most exciting and important marketplace since the computer revolution began 350 years ago. And congratulations on your promotion. Putting real computer power in the hands of the individual is already improving the way people work, think, learn, communicate, and spend their leisure hours. Computer literacy is fast becoming as fundamental a skill as reading or writing. When we invented the first personal computer operating system, we estimated that over 140 kajillion people worldwide could justify the purchase of one, if only they understood it. Next year alone, we project that well over 1 kazillionish users will come to that understanding and be striken down by whatever virus happens their way or a good stiff breeze. Over the next decade, the growth of the personal computer will continue in logarithmic leaps. We look forward to responsible competition in the massive effort to distribute this Microsoft technology to the world. And we appreciate the magnitude of your commitment. Because what we are doing is increasing social capital by enhancing individual productivity, or something like that. Welcome to the task. Whatever. Bill.

  24. CUPERTINO, Calif., Oct. 19 — Apple(R) today unveiled its new Power Mac(R)

    G5 desktop line featuring the Power Mac G5 Quad, providing quad-core

    processing with two 2.5 GHz dual-core PowerPC G5 processors. All Power Mac

    G5 models now feature dual-core processors, a new PCI Express architecture

    and higher performance graphics options including NVIDIA’s Quadro FX 4500,

    bringing the industry standard for workstation graphics to the Mac(R).

    “The Power Mac G5 Quad delivers the workstation performance our creative

    and scientific customers demand,” said Philip Schiller, Apple’s senior vice

    president of Worldwide Product Marketing. “With quad-core processing, a new

    PCI Express architecture, and the fastest workstation card from NVIDIA, the

    new Power Mac G5 Quad is the most powerful system we’ve ever made.”

    With two 2.5 GHz dual-core processors, each with 1MB of L2 cache, the Power

    Mac G5 Quad delivers breakthrough performance on applications used

    extensively by creative professionals and scientists.

  28. Once again my brain has been expanded. Thanks to CARS, I’m probably the only Australian who knows who Karl Rove is.

    “yessum ah used to be dumb as an old post, now ah sings haikus t’ ma hogs et naight”

  29. “That’s a limited edition 1979 mint-condition Boba Fett!”

    Del, Del, Del. DEL! Boba Fett wasn’t introduced to the Star Wars universe until Empire Strkes Back which was release in 1980.

    You know what this means. We have to maintain quality in these comments. So, I’m sorry but we’re going to have to…correct you. Huh?’s spleen will see you in the next room. Uh! No grumbling. Just go.

  30. Actually, Boba Fett was created during production, which was before 1980. My guess is that it would be an original model from production.

  31. A preproduction Boba Fett action figure? I…I…Nah, it was just an honest mistake. That does not excuse him from the Spleen session.

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