After being on the receiving end of class action lawsuit after class action lawsuit, Apple is finally firing back at its customers, counter-suing them for more than $1.2 billion.
Apple claims its customers “have initiated frivolous lawsuits against [the company] – for matters as trivial as scratches, a tendency to burst into flames and, once, ‘squeezability’.” The company is seeking an injunction against all current litigation, damages of $700 million for restraint of trade and $500 million for emotional suffering.
Legal experts believe it is the first suit of its kind since 1878, when the railroad industry attempted to sue its riders for $50,000 of “uncharged wear to leather seating due to customers’ inordinately ample posteriors.”
Despite its unusual nature, Apple representatives defended the action.
“All of these frivolous class action lawsuits have tarnished our good name,” said General Counsel Nancy Heinen. “We need to defend ourselves against our customers, who are negatively impacting our business.”
Far from being concerned about potentially alienating customers, Apple sources who declined to be identified said their primary concern was that the company put up with the abuse for so long, that it may have relinquished any legal right to seek damages.
Despite this concern, Heinen indicated that all Apple customers will be served some time next week.
Passive-aggressively, however, she also noted that the company has some great items on sale at the Apple Store.
“New displays on the PowerBooks!” Heinen said, cheerfully. “People should… check ’em out.
“Just… you know… expect some bad pixels… and whatnot…