We Give A Solid 85%.

Some commenters yesterday voiced their opinions that we, the members of the Crazy Apple Rumors Site staff, were probably spending the week sitting on our asses, watching reruns of Battlestar Galactica (original version), drinking Hi-C and eating mounds of Fiddle Faddle (or Screaming Yellow Zonkers depending on where the commenter was from).

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In actuality, we’re catching up on a lot of backlog. In case you didn’t realize, there are a whole variety of behind-the-scenes tasks that need to be done to keep this site running.

Like stocking the vending machine.

Well, OK, Mark from United Vendors actually does that, but we have stand there and watch him and call dibs on the mini-donuts. And then for some reason the second Mark leaves the Entity buys all the Baked Lays and spends the rest of the day noisily devouring them in the break room. Then we go without Baked Lays for a week until Mark comes back.

It’s not a very good system.

Anyway, that’s not really the kind of thing I was trying to get at. Most importantly, we’re working on fixing the intermittent database error you’ve probably seen if you’ve been clicking refresh relentlessly in an effort to get the coveted 11th post.

When I say “we” I really mean “Masako.” The rest of us have been standing around watching her work and asking her if she needs anything.

You never know when she could want a beverage.

She’s shit out of luck if she wants any Baked Lays, though.

But rest assured that while we’re not so much covering the Apple rumors this week, we are working.

Except during lunch.

And designated breaks.

And when we’re playin’ the ponies.

And I had to run some errands earlier.



How… how are you?

38 thoughts on “We Give A Solid 85%.”

  1. I think Mark’s obsession with baked lays is sexual in nature. I know because, well, i have the addiction also.

    There just nothing sexier than feeling baked lays crumble between muscles ass cheeks. And then licking. Every. Last. Crumb.

  2. Your = 2nd person possessive (the thing that belongs to you).

    You’re = you are

    “I’m glad your doing great” parses to “I am happy the doing that belongs to you great.”

    Please mind your possessives. Do it for the kitties.

  3. Screw the datebase error. Masako worked for Microsoft before she came to CARS so you can’t expect too much….

  4. You think he eats the Baked Lays back there. Nononono, he’s simply exercising his occult vending machine company rituals back there. What? You wouldn’t think your common vending machine guy would do that kind of thing? Well, they do have lives too…

    Oh, and Masako says she’s thirsty. I tell you since you aren’t paying attention…

  5. What’s wrong with asses that you don’t want to sit on them all day? I’d much prefer to spend my day sitting on my arse on an ass, than on a mule.

    BTW why wont my missus let me sit on her footwear?

  6. Just make sure you don’t get those chips made with the fat-free oil substitutes… I’d hate to see the publication ruined by excess anal leakage.

  7. yes, for the love of God, avoid the chips made with Olesta(?).

    Heh, try using the term “Anal leakage” in polite conversation.

  8. Olestra is the fat-free digestive track lubricating substance you refer to

  9. So The Entity ACTUALLY pays for Lays? I was sure the machine would just recognize his “authority” and cough the chips up automatically.

    I wonder if that was just a Crazy Entity Rumor.

  10. Can the Entity have anal leakage? Does the Enity even have an ass that he doesn’t sit on all day? We want more in-depth coverage of the Enity, you know like turn-ons and turn-offs.

  11. Screaming Yellow Zonkers RULE, baby! They are back in stores here in northwest Chicago suburbs. Thank you, Jewel! I have even converted another generation into being fans, my daughter (4 years old) loves them…

  12. Not to be the cranky guy, but I see people making fun of Olestra, but I don’t see people describing personal experiences with it.

    I’ve eaten plenty of chips with Olestra/Olean. Ate a large bag of them once. Had no problems. People treat them like one chip will…well…cause serious problems. Yes, maybe if you eat nothing but Olestra chips all day, but as a snack they’re just fine.

    And get off my lawn! Stupid kids.

  13. While you are working on so many things this week can you put numbers by the posts?

    I am a musician, and I find it difficult to count past four, but manage the occasional six… After that it really gets hairy.


  14. I call 1st post, AGAIN!!! Youse guys are sloooooow.

    The way we count is by the number on the comment link itself. Mine shows 28, so this must be post 29.

    HAHAHAHA!!! 29th suckers!!! EAT IT!!!! ARRRRRGGGGH, shiver me timbers.

    Thanks for asking, John. I am doing quite peachy, thank you.

  15. In reference to Entity’s (or would that be Entities? nah) buying all the Baked Lays. I think that’s very honest of him (or is that it? nah) to not materalize into the vending machine itself and just eat them there. Why not just go to the store and buy a big ‘ol bag though?

    Me? I love the Funyuns! And our store has Fiddle Faddle *and* Screaming Yellow Zonkers. 😛

  16. Just fab, thanks for checking.

    how are the kids?

    also i hear “crazyapplerumors” in the seventh is a hot lead for second in the trifecta.

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