Crazy Apple Rumors Staff on the DL.

No Crazy Apple Help Desk today as the entire staff has been afflicted by one ailment or the other.

Let’s check the roster.

30-Day DL

Thor Samson, Columnist – Torn labrum requiring season-ending shoulder surgery.

Masako Yamamoto, Web Designer – Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevah.


15-Day DL

Ugluk, Contributing Reporter – Lobster hands.

Not sure how that happened. They say it should just go away, though.

Howard the talking dog, Photographer – Flea and tick infestation.

Actually, Ugluk has this, too.

John Moltz, Editor In Chief – Severe lower back injury caused by putting a binder up on a shelf.

Day To Day

Chet MacGruder, Reporter – 24-hour elephantitis.

The Entity, Financier – Click of death.

So we’ll be back on Monday, with a whole new attitude!

Um, but be forewarned, it might be a bad attitude.

28 thoughts on “Crazy Apple Rumors Staff on the DL.”

  1. Must be something going around…
    My Pantsâ„¢ are on the day-to-day DL- aggrivated Pizza Stain…

    Well, with John out for 15 days, does that mean Chet or The Entity will be reporting for a while?


  2. Grind up a 5th generation iPod, heat it up, and breathe in the vapors. Guarenteed cureall.

    …more cowbell.

  3. CARS staff must be suffering from an acute deficiency of Salma Hayek…

    Nothing since march…

    Gisele was nice but she’s no Salma…

    More Salma…


    more cowbell

  4. Hey, if it is a “whole new attitude” how can it be a bad attitude? Isn’t it usually a bad attitude?


  5. Maybe some sort of oil would help. I have no idea why that would be the case, but it’s the best I could think of on short notice.

  6. how about elephallicsis? this involves an elephant, an oh, never mind…

    Not Speaking From Personal Experience.

  7. The whole staff is on the down-low!?? What do you tell your wives? Stella is most definitely *not* getting her groove back from you boys.

  8. 24-hour elephantitis! If I weren’t self employed, I’d use that the next time I called in. I may dial a random number and give it a whiz!

  9. You guys aren’t sick. You don’t sound sick. Where’s your “sick person” voice, huh? I think you guys are just sleeping off the hangover from an early weekend drinking binge.

    (Not that I’m jealous or anything.)

    Except for you Masako. I believe you. In fact, I just emailed you some hot-sour soup.

  10. Why do I have the feeling that John is the Apple “plant” that gets all the insider news for CARS. I think it is to much of a coincidence that someone who waters Job’s plants has to play pony for an adult man and then John shows up the next day with a back injury.

    John you might as well confess your secret is out. Don’t worry though Apple can’t sue you for posting their secrets online. Our court systems have already ensured your protection.

  11. John an Apple plant?

    If so he would be one of those bitter cooking varieties, that even the beetles refuse to eat. Anyway, as far as I am aware, apple trees can’t write.

    Del, you are absolutely correct.

  12. How can a Feevah land one on the 30-day DL, but lobster hands only the 15-day? Something’s fishy here, and it’s not just Ugluk’s hands.

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