Apple Announces Largest Purchase in Corporate History

Apple Computer today said that it is ramping up production to fulfill the largest single order ever placed in the company’s storied history: one billion McBoookS that will be shipped to a post office box in Lagos, Nigeria, and paid for by cashier’s check.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs said, “This single order justifies the sleepless nights of many thousands of Apple employees, and our decision to switch to Intel processors. We’re thrilled by this out-of-the-blue relationship with our new biggest client.”

The order, received via email along with what appeared to be several thousand similar orders – which Apple believes must have been an accidental duplication – asked for the McBoookS to be sent immediately to a Mr. Sonni Abachi (Madam). While Apple makes MacBooks and MacBook Pros, the company, until today, has not offered anything called “McBoookS.” In a concession to the size of the order, however, the product will be produced in a limited, one billion unit run for the customer.

Mr. Abachi (Madam) could only be reached via email, and confirmed that he (or she) had plans for the computers.

“In good Christ,” Mr. Abachi (Madam) wrote, “All computerss will die..and thus planning for out of country funds over to a peeoples through out the world.;;.”

Apple CFO Peter Oppenheimer admitted “The dialog with Mr. Abachi (Madam) has been a little rough.

“But he said ‘In good Christ’, so we’re sure it’s all on the up and up.”

Some of the emails had offered cash taken from briefcases of several dead African warlords in lieu of the cashier’s check, but Apple was unsure where it could exchange Botswanan pulas. Also, Steve Jobs would have had to fly to Geneva 30 days after the McBoookS shipped in order to collect.

Mr. Abachi (Madam) said the cashier’s check would be made out for $1.7 trillion, despite the fact that Apple has stated the order’s value as $1.5 trillion.

Oppenheimer said Mr. Abachi (Madam) asked for the $200 billion above the order to be wired to a cousin in Los Angeles who had been ill.

Apple will ship the computers immediately upon receipt of the cashier’s check – expected any day – and will immediately run to the bank to deposit it.

42 thoughts on “Apple Announces Largest Purchase in Corporate History”

  11. 11th or so, I thinks. Maybe.

    “Advance fee fraud” just sounds so much better than “419 scam”, don’t you think?

    I haven’t asked any Pants(tm) yet, but I like it.

    What does one get if he or she is fortunate enough to make the first post?

  12. Typically, posting first gives one a warm squishy feeling. Very Shiny.

    Now about the terminology- my Pantsâ„¢ like ‘419 scam’, but Shortsâ„¢ do prefer ‘Advance Fee Fraud’.

    My Pantsâ„¢ are old school.

    moo

  15. Why does everyone in the civilized world have a Nigerian email pal, except for me?

  16. When Billy reveals his li’l Zoune,
    He thinks all the ladies will swoon,
    But the ladies all know
    That it’s soft and micro!
    A few giggle, but most leave the room.

  17. This is Gloria Vanderbilt’s little boy, Anderson Cooper, with all of tonight’s headlines. Leading the news tonight, Microsoft owner, billionaire pseudo-philanthropist Bill Gates reveals he has a Zoune! Financial markets worldwide were forced to close, as traders were laughing so hard the markets could no longer function. Tonight, I will have an exclusive interview with Gate’s proctologist to find out if the claim is actually true.

  19. Those Nigerians love to buy in bulk. Mr. Abachi, I’m still waiting on that cashiers check for those blue & white G3s! What gives?

  22. Anyone else noticed the increase in actual rumors on CARS, rather than notes about the CARS staff? I feel like we haven’t heard about Howard, Masako, or Ugluk in months.

    Not that I’m complaining, exactly. I’d just like to know what they’re up to these days.

  25. See, now I thought that was going to be an order for 1.5 millions iPods. They’d be delivered to a post office box in Redmond and then resurface later with “MIKrosSofT” etched on the back over the Apple logo with a red lable maker lable with “ZUNE” on it stuck on the front.

    That’s what I told Bill to do anyway. Dude never pays attention.

    Oh, 25th which is like a quarter. Only less spendable.

  26. Dear Sirs,
    I am that Mr Abachi (cousin) of LA. I have been on my deathbed since 1981, when Mr Abachi (Madam) requested that I should sacrifice myself for the good of the Nigeria Import Office. The goodwill of Mr Steve will finally release me of this humble obligation.

  28. Ace Deuce:
    I will volunteer to be your make-believe Nigerian email pal.

    Please send me your Social Security number, a copy of your passport, your bank account and credit card numbers and PINs.

    Now, please.

    Thanking you so kindly very muchly.

  31. They must be freebasing Strontium 38. crazy isotope-heads

  32. Are these Nigerian scammers complete IDIOTS? They must really be some of the stupidest people on the planet… However, what is scary is the fact that so many Americans have fallen for their scams laden with bad spelling and incorrect grammer. That must feel horrible to be duped by a Nigerian!

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  37. The most impressive thing about the McBoookS is not the Core 2 Duo processor with the super speedy fsb nor the integrated hatstand that doubles as a coathanger no the most impressive feature is the bios enabled punctuation removal option which will save me a lot and lot in future TechNewsWorld articles. The sentence scrambler will also save me work in the highest order and save me time from spending most of it on the telephones. My thought process tells me Apple are on a bigger win and it’s now time for Microsoft to think about copying some more from and Dell.

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