Lackluster WWDC Keynote Explained.

Since last Monday’s WWDC keynote, Apple pundits have been falling over themselves attempting to explain what many felt was a lackluster performance by Apple and CEO Steve Jobs.

Some fear that the company has simply fallen behind the curve and that – contrary to Jobs’ protestation that he couldn’t reveal Leopard’s secrets because Microsoft was watching – Apple’s upcoming operating system simply doesn’t have any exciting secrets.

Others even believed that a poor keynote meant that Jobs might be sick.

But Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources close to the Apple CEO revealed over the weekend that the keynote was sub-par simply because Jobs had his period.

According to sources, Jobs was irritable the entire weekend before the keynote, threatening to fire even more people than usual. By Monday morning, Jobs was not feeling particularly “fresh.”

“I don’t want to speak for him,” said Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller, “but I know that Steve was feeling bloated, crampy and, more importantly, not pretty.

“Several times he asked me if the black turtleneck and jeans he was wearing made his ass look big.”

According to Schiller, Jobs’ performance is predicated on his image of how others perceive him far more often than Apple followers might think.

“When Steve feels pretty, you get a good keynote. When he’s not feeling pretty, you don’t.

“Fortunately, he’s almost always feeling very, very pretty.”

Jobs declined to comment for this story, but did burst into tears as he ran away from reporters.