Apple Announces A Special Event.

This morning, Apple sent an email to members of the media announcing a special event in San Francisco on September 12th.

While many believe this will mark the company’s initiation of the the online movie downloading business, a small subset claim it will showcase the new Apple cell phone, which is reportedly now ready for production.

But Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that not only is this a “special” Apple event, it is a “very special” Apple event. While sources were unable to specify the specific nature of the “very special” event, they were able to narrow it down to the following possibilities:

  • Senior Director of Desktop Product Marketing Tom Boger thinks about trying drugs and is talked out of it by Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.
  • Head of Mac Hardware Engineering Peter Mehring loses his virginity.
  • Vice President of Worldwide Developer Relations Ron Okamoto learns a valuable lesson about sharing or not cheating or some shit.
  • Senior Counsel Mark Aaker gets knocked up.

    Apple declined to comment for this story, but a star trailing a rainbow was seen passing over the Cupertino campus earlier today.