Macworld Itinerary from Thor.

John has asked me to post today. Quite frankly with the number of people currently doing searches on “Apple rumors” we don’t really need to post a damn thing to get the same amount of traffic we usually get.

But we have news! News in the form of our itinerary for this the 2007 Macworld Expo.

Tomorrow is the big show and we’ll be there (really, we mean it this time) which means there won’t be any live updating. Contrary to myth, there’s no ubiquitous wifi in the Moscone Center presentation hall.

There are also no Apple Bunnies. I actually have a hand in starting that myth as I appeared at Macworld 1997 with several Playboy Bunnies in my entourage. I am the sole CARS contributor who has been to Macworld before, having attended each one since they began (John’s statement is still correct as I am a contributor, not a regular staff member).

After the keynote, John will be down on the showroom floor to hand out some “Phil Schiller has a posse” buttons.

So, if you see someone lying on the floor of the showroom with a bunch of buttons, that’s probably him.

When the buttons are gone (he’s got 100 of them), he says he’ll be attempting to touch as many Apple executives that he can.

Just touching them. He’s going to run up and touch them and then run away giggling like a school girl. He said “That’s just the way I roll.”

OK.

On Tuesday night John hopes to make it into Macworld Blast! even though he doesn’t have a ticket and it’s apparently sold out. If you’re looking for him there, you might try the roast beef line and see if the guy with the electric knife has a pin on his shirt that says “MY NAME IS JOHN.”

Just wink at him. If he winks back, then it’s him. If you get a strange look, it’s probably not.

Masako will, of course, be spending her time in several technical sessions and then running a networked game of AlephOne, and Howard’s actually teaching some of the session in the photography track.

Ugluk says he’s going to lurk under the stairwells and jump out and scare people. That, as you can imagine, is the way he rolls.

I will be behind stage during the keynote, of course, offering moral support and mai tais to Steve and Phil and all the rest. After, I’ll be in the conversation pit with my very special guests Scarlett Johansson, Salma Hayek and Jennifer fricking Connelly to get their topless reaction to the day’s announcements.

And, finally, Chet said he’s going to watch the whole thing from a van parked down the street. We still had some Stroh’s and Cheeze-Its left over from last year. Knock three times and then give the password which is…

What?

Are you serious?

He says the password is “Kevin Federline rulez.”

He swears it’s ironic but I’ve seen his iPod.

Anyway, we’ll see you under the big top!