Devastating Virus Hits iPod.

Devastating news hit Apple fans late last week as a virus slammed the iPod.

The ultimate impact of this killer virus – which requires the iPod to be running Linux and has to be installed manually by the user and possibly infects the iPod with pictures of unicorns and puppies – has yet to be determined. But it is just one disturbing example of how Apple’s products are under a siege that the company seems unable to turn back.

In addition to the killer iPod virus of death, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that these other problems currently afflict Apple products.

  • One dude’s Performa won’t do screen resolutions higher than 640X480 on Yellow Dog Linux, making it really hard to look at porn.
  • LC IIs running OS 7.1 are highly susceptible to repeated failure to meet reserve on eBay.
  • In certain configurations from the Apple Store, the 8-Core Mac Pro will be so expensive it will literally make you puke.
  • If you have a wood-paneled iMac, carpenter ants may want to chew into it. You know… if you have a… wood-paneled iMac.
  • Beating a MacBook with a rock may void your warranty – and nowhere does it say that in big letters on the MacBook!
  • The Apple TV doesn’t do HD. That’s gotta be a bug, right?
  • Some Macs have been infected with Windows which has many viruses and, more importantly, just generally sucks.

To date, Apple has not satisfactorily explained how it will address these issues or the killer death virus of doom for death to iPods.

37 thoughts on “Devastating Virus Hits iPod.”

  13. That really wasn’t that funny. Your terrible post didn’t deserve my awesome comments. I’m sure you could have worked something in there about how MacBook Pro use reduces sperm count, or how transvestites invariably carry viruses between iPods, or something funny!

  14. John, you forgot to mention that some Intel Macs stutter and mumble if you make the Finder Unspeakable.

  18. I have an iMac woody. But I’m pretty sure I have ABBA ants. The Carpenter ants wouldn’t be singing “The Name of the Game” right?

    If you’re using an HP-branded iPod and it gets hit by a bullet while you’re exchanging gunfire with an enemy combatant at close range, Apple might send you a new one. Or at least you can get your picture all over the internet if you make up some bullshit story about how the iPod saved your life.

  19. This is a Unix virus. Please email a copy of this message to 2 other sysadmins, and then execute the following command:

    sudo rm -rf /

  20. Oh gosh! I had no idea of the multitude of threats we face today! I was under the impression that the only bug with Apple products was that my “Weird Al” Yankovic Straight Outta Lynwood dualdisc can’t fit in my iMac or iBook’s slot loading drives… I better start building that lean-to bomb shelter in my basement again.

  22. Apple does deserve some flak for not making clear that the iPhone will not do what Conan says it will. Now millions of people out there think the iPhone can be used for opening bottles and catching mice.

    But as for the Apple TV not doing HD, that’s Svensson’s error. It apparently _does_ do HD TV.

    It’s the HD content that’s “missing” … though it’s not clear that many people would be willing to download really bulky files.

    One Slashdotter remarked:

    “If Apple had brought higher-quality videos to market first, there’d be complaints that they didn’t have any device capable of pumping it to an HDTV. Since they released the device first, we get to hear about how they’re not providing the content.”

    All of which is quite funny, but not as funny as the Linux iPod virus.

  23. hmmm,

    ipod & Linux you say , Apple never has supported Linux on iPod.

    You also mention windows on some Macs & the virusses there are for Windows, You wont blame those on Apple to i hope.

    Yeah i know Apple is responsible for all of it, maybe even global warming, speacially now they use 8 core’s 🙂

  24. I read about this somewhere earlier in the week & I just knew that you would be casting you journalistic magnifying glass over it.

    Damn you Linux based iPods!!! you have ruined it for us all!!

    Matt 🙂

    While we are on the numeric based punns

    what did Zero say to Eight??

  25. hey john! read remarker’s post: you have finally found someone who takes you seriously!

  26. I have late breaking news on a new iPod virus! My iPod has been infected and when I checked with my friends theirs had it also. When you click the Restore To Factory Defaults option in iTunes it erases all the stuff on the iPod.

    What a destructive iPod virus!!! Much worse than that the puppy, kitten, and unicorn pictures!

  28. Oh, HELL yeah!

    That was worth waiting a week for.

    No, really. I’m not being sarcastic.

    Stop rolling your eyes at me John.

    Oh.

    Those aren’t your eyes?

    ok.

  29. I had a virus once. Fever of 104 F and I was babbling incoherently in Japanese (4th language for me, most recently learned–I think that had something to do with it). Had me in bed for days. Miserable…

    Oh, you’re talking about an iPod virus? This was a kajillion times worse, let me tell you.

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  36. I think you meant “System 7.1” and load up an 8-core Mac Pro and you’re around the price of a IIfx.

  37. All viruses will be cleaned out if you put your iPod ten minutes in a microwave oven.

    And

    You know how the virus on Zune is called ?

    No ?

    You know, the Zune !

    Z-U-N-E.

    Zebra-Unicorn-Network-Elephant.

    It’s a…kind of…er…device.

    Brown.

    Yes, I assure, brown.

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