Griffin Introduces iPhone Stylus.

In a press release issued today, Griffin Technology announced the imPress, the first stylus specifically designed for the Apple iPhone.

The announcement was significant enough to draw praise from Chet Pipkin, president and CEO of Belkin, a Griffin competitor.

“Because Multitouch requires the contact of a human finger, we thought it couldn’t be done,” said Pipkin. “But they pulled it off. My hat is off to them.”

Despite earning the admiration of its competitors, the Griffin press release about the imPress contains some disturbing details.

As Apple has indicated, the human finger is the only thing that can reliably drive the iPhone’s Multitiouch interface. For this reason, the imPress consists of a real human fingertip at the end of a sturdy black pen made of advanced composite materials.

Derek Stembridge, vice president of Griffin marketing, confirmed that the imPress used actual human digits.

“Please, just don’t ask me where we got them,” Stembridge said.

“Really. You don’t want to know. I mean, I don’t even want to know. But no matter how badly I scratch my scalp, I just… I can’t seem to get that memory out of my head! Ha-ha!”

Stembridge then began scratching at his head, which was already covered in thick scabs.

“I’ll get it out eventually!” he cackled.

Sources in the retail channel claim the fingers came from Mexican day laborers. But one source who has worked closely with Griffin in the past but declined to be identified told reporters that the fingertips came from young, aspiring country/western performers who were lured into Griffin’s Nashville showroom.

OK, it was Shawn King.