CARS Announces LolPogues.

You’re probably wondering why I’m taking a break from scouring the waffle establishments of this fair nation in an effort to find the Entity and save us all from robot annihilation. I’m sad to say that it’s because I’ve been forced to respond to the juvenile antics of David Pogue and his cabana boy, Shawn King.

After a Twitter exchange with Mr. King in which I commented on Mr. Pogue’s lackluster level of outreach to the rest of the Apple web, King posted this image to his Flickr account.

Ha-ha. That’s very funny. I’m out here busting my hump trying to save everyone from killer robots and…


Now, while that is Pogue in the picture, the sign is clearly the work of King (little known fact, Pogue is actually illiterate and dictates all of his columns and books, probably what he’s doing on the phone there).

But despite King being to blame, he’s so easy to make fun of that I thought it would be more fun to mock Pogue. Plus, the glory of this is using something that King created to mock me as a means of mocking someone else, thereby doubling his bad karma.


So, who wants to make some lolPogues?

Here’s the lolPogues template to which you can easily add your own text using any half-decent image editor. Then just upload the image to Flickr and add it to the lolPogues group.

I’ve even put together a couple of samples to show you how easy it is.

Hey, if I can do this with my iPhone and the top-secret version of Photoshop for iPhone while riding down I-95 in a car being driven by a talking dog, you can surely do it in the comfort of your home with your Performa and copy of PhotoDeluxe.

Now get cracking!

29 thoughts on “CARS Announces LolPogues.”

  1. Ate!!!

    or nighn.

    Some ideas:
    “I got my iPhone before any of you loosers did!”
    “I was on national TV for three whole weeks before I was cancelled”
    “I hates me some iMovie”
    “I’m better looking than Moltz”
    “I ain’t got nothin'”

  2. Moltz, I think this unhealthy obsession with The Entity is leading you down some dark corridors. You’re starting to sound like a bratty sibling with all these tiffs and spats with Microsoft shills. If I wanted to read spiteful sendups of pathetic unpundits, I’d read Mac Daily News.

    Give us more of those leaked keyboard photos and spiteful setups of pathetic unCEOs. That’s what CARS is meant to be about: love, ponies, and how much better Macs are than anything running Microsoft products.

    Where’s the love gone, man? Where’s the love? I’m half tempted to stop my Fake John Moltz blog, take you off speed dial, take down my John Moltz shrine, stop stalking you and your family, stop sending you desperate love letters, and disband the groupie I formed to follow you around the country in your quest to find The Entity.

    You owe me, man. You owe me. Like $10 or something. Yeah, that money you “found” at the bus stop? Yeah, that was mine. And that time a mysterious restauranteur paid for your entire Happy Meal? Also me.

    You owe me big time. And I want your Mano Happy Meal toy, too. All I got was a lousy Lightning Lad. I’m done being your patsy, Moltz.

  3. I’ll be your patsy, John. Because, quite frankly, the alternative would be to get a life, and I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment.

    So listen, if you need someone to nod approvingly without analysis, consideration, or semblance of dignity, just look me up. I’m in the book.

    Here are your slippers and newspaper and the last beer.

  4. I wish I were fluent in that LOL jargon, because it’s so hip and fab. But, 23-skiddoo!

  5. Huh FSJs got ponies…darn gooder piktures then CARS got of ponies…
    wasup JM… i ‘ways thinked you was first…

  6. I now know more about David Pogue than any Aussie man should but I still got nothin’.

    I’m trying to work in missing trousers with missing manual but how do you say that in lolly language?

  7. John, are you and Howard traveling in a dark minivan? I ask because some loon in a dark minivan almost killed me last night on I-95. A talking dog driving would explain that.

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    Familiarity with comic books such as Spiderman can also provide solace.

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