Seattle police have two suspects in their sights for the break-in Wednesday morning at an Apple Store in Seattle at the company’s University Village branch: Rob Enderle and George Ou.
The soi-disant analyst and security expert were spotted on University Way North – known as “The Ave” – just a couple miles from the mall, near the usual assortment of street kids and homeless people, hawking Apple laptops out of a canvas bag.
“Five dollah, five dollah, five dollah,” Ou was heard to call.
When police approached the pair, they stuffed the computers back in the bag, and ran off surprisingly fast, eluding arrest. “We know what they look like,” Seattle Police spokesperson Marcia Graystone said. “For some inexplicable reason, their pictures are already all over the Web. Apple has also agreed to loan us several black helicopters with white Apple logos to continue the search.”
While the motivation for the theft are unclear, Daring Fireball‘s John Gruber said that he suspected Ou and Enderle were trying to create a lower-priced secondary market for Macs to drag Apple’s stock down.
“They might also have been aiming for iPhones, but didn’t recognize the boxes, having never seen or touched an iPhone, much like fairy hunters never having seen a fairy,” Gruber said.
“Also, they are both enormous dicks, and anything they do must be seen in that light.”
Matt Deatherage of MDJ, a frequently published analytical journal, added that Ou and Enderle might have been trying to suggest that Apple products were insecure, and had become confused about the difference between system security and physical security of an Apple Store.
“They’re so totally uninformed about the Mac and iPhone platforms that this kind of mistake was inevitable,” Deatherage noted.
Seattle Police expect that Ou and Enderle will next hit the What The Fuck Mac Store located near the site of their attempted computer resale.
Apple stock was up $1.23 on the news and the company said all laptop owners whose computers were stolen by Ou and Enderle will receive either a free pony or an evil goat – their choice.