New iPod Nano Photo Leaked.

While other easily debunked photos have recently been seen on the web, Crazy Apple Rumors Site sources have forwarded the definitive photo of the actual iPod nano to be announced next Wednesday.

According to a source who claims to be within the iPod division, the new nano will feature several totally awesome features. Most notably, Apple has done away with the controversial non-user-replaceable battery in favor of crank-driven power and every eighth album in Coverflow will be a picture of Jennifer Fricking Connelly.

While most Apple followers hailed the new features to surely be announced next week, some were skeptical.

“What the fuck is that?” asked‘s John C. Welch.

“No, really, what the fuck is that? Because is sure as hell isn’t a new fricking nano.

“Hey! Hey! Don’t walk away from me, bitch!”

Daring Fireball‘s John Gruber wondered “Why the fuck is there a first generation shuffle click wheel on it? And why’s it so much blurrier than the rest of the image? And what’s that crap around the handle of the crank? And…”

None of this skepticism, however, takes into account the super awesomeness of the features of the new iPod nano which will surely rawk several million sawks.

Apple declined to comment officially for this story, but was somewhat blurry and pixelated around where Infinite Loop meets the rest of Cupertino, as if it had hastily been pasted there.

32 thoughts on “New iPod Nano Photo Leaked.”

  1. Oh no: I think I may have learned something useful from reading this article…

    Aahh — my brain — it burns, it burns!

  2. Oh wait… I’m okay. It was from reading the back of a cereal box.

    So: am I the only person concerned about the poor font rendering on the iPod Shuffle? I hope this problem is fixed in the next refresh.

  3. Wow. Now I’m feeling blurry and pixelated…

    It burns a bit.



    Now it’s burning quite a bit more… Excuse me…

  4. Damn!
    Can’t work out whether to hold the handle and turn the Nano or the other way round.
    Obviously needs a good instruction book.

  5. This post has left me not caring what number I am at all…

    Did you really write a sentence that had “Jennifer Fricking Connelly and “crank driven power” in it??

    Who are you writing for Moltz, seventh graders?

    Wait a minute… Now that I think about it… Never mind.

  6. You may have set a CARS record for grammatical and spelling errors with this one. I know money’s tight these days, but you have a talking dog on staff. Couldn’t he at least kick in a little extra and do some proofreading? I mean, how much actual photography work really goes into this production anyway?

  7. Don’t you listen to them John… They’re just jealous that they don’t have a talking dog who refuses to proof-read, and personally, I think that your Photoshop work is showing much improvement.

    Just a reminder… layers, not filters.

    That’s the ticket.

  8. I will gladly donate my signed copy of “Photoshop for the Visually Impaired” to the CARS staff. But only iffn’ you think it’l help.

  9. Jennifer Fricking Connelly makes my crank a lot bigger than anything that could be described as nano.

    I think Moltz is writing a new book, Photoshop composition for the creatively impaired.

    Who knows, maybe he is using the GIMP to do all of his photo rendering work, that would explain a whole lot. Doesn’t the GIMP come free with every Ubuntu?

    And just because the dog can talk and drive a car doesn’t mean that he can read. Which would make him a perfect copy editor for this web site.

  10. Jonn,

    I think your doing a really good jobb. Don’t listen to all the loosers complaining about grammatical errers.

    I have to go to work now.

  11. Oh, bitch, bitch, bitch. Do you have any idea how hard this is to do with an iPhone?

  12. I don’t think I can hold the iPod and crank the handle at the same time with pictures of Jennifer Fricking Connelly all over it. Will there be an option for a foot crank?

  13. John intentionally puts those errors into his articles just to spite the dog, who roams around the office all day constantly reminding everyone — especially any visiting cats — to “Proof! Proof! Proof, proof, proof!”

    Oh, yeah… and before I forget… put your hands on your head.

  14. I’m holding out for the real next generation iPod Nano, with a picture of Ingrid Bergman. (I would also settle for Grace Kelly.)

    Miss Fricken-Connelly is very nice, I’m sure, but I am very old.

    This new iPod Nano is so close — the crank takes me back to the days of my youth and my old Victrola, and the first-generation shuffle click-wheel takes me back to the days of my not-quite-so-advanced old age and my first-generation iPod Shuffle. So Miss Fricken-Connelly should go back to her perambulator and make way for some real beauties. Ingrid Bergman. Grace Kelly.

    Wait… even better: Eleanor Roosevelt. She had inner beauty.

    Old people like myself appreciate inner beauty. Not like you punks today.

  15. Its revolutionary…such green foresight…its… its one of those “crank the generator/ use the iPhone(pod) for ten minutes” devices… Umm like those CC radios… emergency radio and light techology brought to the iPhonePod…Oh the agony of waiting until 511 for for the new greening of Appl…

  16. John,

    I haven’t tried blogging with my new iPhone yet. I’m still trying to reach the limit of world cities I can enter into “Weather” and “Clock.”

    And who has time to blog when there’s an iPhone in the room, anyway?

  17. Not again ….

    Jennifer …
    Fricking …
    Connolly …

    Oh yeah … baby … oh my god, I’m …

    Oh, you’re still here. How embarrassing for me. Please don’t mind the mess in my lap, I lost control again. It happens whenever I think of her …. oh yeah … baby … oh my god, YES …

    Damn. One day I’m going to have to get some help on this, it just can’t keep happening whenever I hear or read or think the name. It’s just too embarrassing when I’m in public, waiting for the bus or relaxing on the beach. People think I’m a sick pervert because of this, but that’s not it … it’s just that she’s so fricking HOT … oh no, not again … oh yeah … baby … oh my god not again … YES YES YES!

    Damn it, go away and leave me alone!

  18. Yeah, never mind the mess in WC’s lap.

    Every time he thinks of JFC, he gets another case of the shakes and spills whatever he has in his hands on himself. The good thing is Ensure(r) doesn’t stain poplin very badly. Don’t let him have coffee when he’s reading CARS. He could really do some damage.

  19. Do you have any idea how hard this is to do with an iPhone?

    No, John. As a matter of fact I don’t. Some of us don’t have mysterious benefactors from another dimension. We have to earn our money with excellence in our work and then spend it on feeding children and whatnot.

    Thank you for joining Rip in rubbing it in.

    Also, I’m with Sudo. Right up ’til that part about Eleanor Roosevelt. Ewww! That made me shudder. There’s no beauty there inside or out. She’s like an uglier version of Hillary Clinton only with thinner ankles.

    But Ingrid Bergman. *drool* I would add Myrna Loy to that list. Probably in place of Grace Kelly. (Not that there’s any thing wrong with Grace.) Myrna had it all… quirky, unique beauty, class, a great sense of humor, sexy pixie-like voice… If you’ll excuse me I’m off to find my Thin Man movies.

  20. Gawdammit Moltz, get on the stick! Some of us can’t stay up all frigging night waiting for you an Howard to finish your waffles!

    Sheesh! Make the next post so I can get some sleep.

  21. I’d crank my fat nano to Jennifer Freakin’ Connelly any day.
    And I’ve been wrong before, but something tells me that photo has been shopped in some sort of program that shops photos. I think it’s called Deluxe Paint.

    Sent from my Amiga 500!

  22. And for me? Where’s my Robbie Williams with his jeans unzipped and a little .. oops, sorry, reverie.

    Sexist iPod. Sexist CARS. What a bunch a oinkers. Well, not all of you. Some are too clever by half. No I’m not going to name names.

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