Speaking from the technological mount today, Apple CEO Steve Jobs said that everyone who bought an iPhone at the original price and is not getting a rebate will get a $100 Apple Store credit.
Jobs was humble, contrite and attempted to explain the rationale behind Apple’s pricing decisions. Moreover, according to sources close to the Apple founder, Jobs is paying the roughly $80,000,000 out of his own pocket.
“I just feel terrible,” Jobs said. “I feel like I let our customers down and nothing hurts me more. I hope this makes it up to everyone. I hope this hasn’t done anything to harm our relationship because that would just devastate me.
“So, please, please accept my most sincere apologies.”
Despite Jobs’ heartfelt message, however, Apple customers were their usual childish selves.
“$100?!” said iPhone early adopter Scott Givens. “That’s bullshit! Steve Jobs owes me a pony! And cake! And… and a whole lot of money for emotional damages!”
Givens churlish sentiment was echoed by other iPhone-owning jackasses.
“Whaaaaaa!!!” wailed Craig Fults, stomping his feet and pounding his hands on his legs.
“Steve hurt my feewings! He need give me Mac Pro!”
Or some shit. Frankly, we weren’t really paying attention because this crap is so pathetic and annoying.
Hearing the negative and selfish reaction from Apple customers, Jobs lowered his head, held his arms out… and wept.