After yet another Greenpeace report complaining about Apple’s environmental record, sources indicate that the company is now just screwing with the international non-profit agency.
As Greenpeace chastised Apple for using toxic chemicals in the iPhone, there were indications that that wasn’t all they might find in its products.
“Yeah, I think we stuck a baby seal in the Mac Pro,” said CEO Steve Jobs. “And there may be some rhino in the iMac. Just a little. Near the USB ports.”
Despite being a vegetarian, Jobs seemed exceedingly gleeful at having further antagonized an organization that has been a thorn in his side. Jobs’ glee was shared by other Apple executives.
“Whatever you do, don’t look in the iPod classic!” said senior vice president of worldwide marketing Phil Schiller. “Ha-ha! Whew! ‘Cause… ha-ha! Yeow.
“It’s um, panda. Eeyup. Turns out panda is a really good conductor. Who knew? Also looks pretty. Not like marine turtle, though. That is… mmmmmwah!”
Shaking his head, Schiller said ruefully “Wish we could get some more marine turtle. Damn.”
Apple products also reportedly include mountain gorilla, whale, dolphin and African elephant.
Other than all the executives, Apple declined to comment for this story, other than to say for the record that it was just screwing around and there really weren’t any animal parts in its products.
Other than iLife. Which has spotted owl.