In a disappointing turn of events for the fledgling project, create a more robust alternative to Apple’s Mail.app called Letters.app has dissolved over “irreconcilable differences”.
“The egos involved were simply too big, Daring Fireball auteur felt continually nitpicked by back-seat drivers.
“Nobody sees my vision!” screamed Gruber, stabbing out his clove cigarette, taking a sip from a $10 beer in a can and adjusting his beret. “Only I know which fonts are appropriate! Only I know which menu items go where! Only I know which controls are controlliest! And I refuse to have my ideas, my concepts, my passion be questioned by Philistines!
“It is as if you asked Stanley Kubrick to direct a dinner theater production! Or asked Joe Torre to manage the Nationals! It cannot be done!”
Others associated with the project, meanwhile, blamed Gruber himself for its failure.
“I am an artiste!” cried Panic Software‘s Cabel Sasser, flinging his scarf around his neck. “If anyone knows about making softwares that are beautiful to the touch, it is I, not this pixel-pushing lout of a man whose personal grooming is also suspect!”
Most simply blamed everyone but themselves.
“Imbéciles!” exclaimed Brent Simmons, inexplicably speaking in French. “Je ne peux pas travailler avec ces imbéciles!”
Technical lead Gus Mueller has reportedly taken the existing source code – currently nothing more than five lines of comments and one IBAction – and renamed it CrunchMail.app. Mueller hopes to have a working product of his own personal design some time next year, but right now is more concerned with fulfilling the obligations of his tell-all book deal with O’Reilly.
Astounding news is rocking the tablet rumor circuit as Apple appears prepared to deliver a tablet-enabled version of iWork when it introduces its new tablet at the tablet special event on January 27th, also known as “Tablet launch day”. (Tablet.)
Needless to say, Apple fans are beside themselves as the thought of rocking spreadsheets through an as yet-to-be-determined input mechanism has them literally salivating.
“I am so fucking psyched,” said Mac user Jim Ray, wiping his chin. “Spreadsheets fucking rule. And I have to imagine that spreadsheets on a tablet ultra-mega-rule, what with the smaller screen size. Just think, we’ll be able to do spreadsheets or write business letters or create presentations – but mostly do spreadsheets – in the bathroom!
“I mean, I do that already, but now I’m gonna do it on a tablet! Wow!”
While the excitement generated by the killer combination of spreadsheets and tablets is palpable, some questions remain.
“I can’t believe that in just a few weeks I’m going to be typing into a spreadsheet on the tablet’s virtual keyboard!” said Macworld’s Dan Moren. “Or, possibly, writing etext with a stylus on a spreadsheet! That always works so awesome. Or, maybe, talking into the tablet and having my numbers flawlessly be translated into the spreadsheet through some kind of ‘computer magic’. One thing we know for sure is that it won’t be via a physical keyboard because this is a tablet and that would just be lame.
“But, hell, I don’t care how it happens! All I care about is spreadsheets on tablets! Yeah!”
Analysts were at a loss to explain why the potential for iWork on a tablet has everyone so worked up. Some pointed to recent controversial scientific studies that showed brain damage in rats after prolonged exposure to aluminum.
Apple announced today that Snow Leopard – its hotly anticipated operating system update – would be coming this Friday, August 28th.
In a related announcement just moments ago, the Mac user community announced that it too would be coming on Friday, shortly after receiving delivery of Snow Leopard.
Speaking on behalf of the community, Chicago MUG president Eric Northam said “Based on what we’ve seen of developer seeds, Snow Leopard looks to be an exciting release, full of the rich technologies that give hopeless squealing nerds like us immediate wood. The install process should take roughly an hour which is way more time than we’re used to holding out, so we expect climax to be achieved within moments of restart.
“In my case, for example, tracking currently says Snow Leopard should be delivered to my house around 10:20 AM, so I fully expect to have jizzed my pants by about 11:30.”
While Snow Leopard is not being touted as a feature-rich update, Mac users say their pent-up demand is because they “haven’t gotten any for almost two years“.
“Just because we’re used to it doesn’t mean we like it,” Northam said.
Rumors that Apple would be handing out Snow Leopard-themed boxes of Kleenex for purchasers who line up at retail stores could not be confirmed.
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