Category: CARS

Fourth Completely Unnecessary Sign of the Cyber Apocalypse!

Crazy Apple Rumor Site Editor-In-Chief John Moltz (hey, that’s me!) will be on NPR’s Day to Day today to give his deep thoughts about Macworld.

Takes about two minutes.

How did I fill the time? Sexbots, that’s how!

UPDATE: Audio up now here. You can go to it directly after the player loads by scrolling down on the list to the second to last item.

Oh…

We’ll be back on the 2nd.

Or 3rd.

Sometime before Macworld.

Or not.

Whatever.

In the comments, let’s hear what you got for Solstice.

I’m sorry. Buddhamas.

Wait, that’s not right either.

Um…

Well, the thing with Charlie Brown and Frosty and Rudolf.

Oh, and hey, did everyone know that Rudolf was all about puberty? I’m serious. What. The. Hell? If you haven’t seen it in a while, watch it again. I’m telling you, puberty. It’s like a great big early ’60s morality play about puberty. Puberty, puberty, puberty.

Isn’t that weird? Do you think the people who made it did that deliberately or was it some post-’50s repression thing?

And I don’t think I have to tell you what Freud would say the giant snow monster means.

No sir.

Of course, he said that about everything.

Anyway, hope you had a happy Pube-mas.

The Kilo Post.

Hey! Looky there! Welcome to post 1, 00!

As it suddenly occurs to me we’ve been busting our humps for over 999 posts (a number of posts didn’t come over in the great Movable Type to WordPress conversion). So we’re taking a day off.

You got a problem with that? Eat it.

Frankly, you people brought this on yourselves. I frankly don’t look at those numbers because they don’t really mean jack diddly, but a number of you pointed it out to me and tried to put all this pressure on for it to be this big deal and were talking about how everyone would get free ice cream and there would be pudding and pony rides and unexpected visits from old friends like Vinz Machete and Glaarku and Gary and Jon Rubinstein.

Hey, did you know he’s at Palm now? Ha-ha! Good luck with that, Ruby!

But anyway…

Here we are.

Oh, but for ellipsis fans, don’t worry. That won’t be all. There’s another one coming up.

I know I keep saying stuff like “Oh, no post today because my sewer line is out” (it actually is out, but do you care? Noooo.), but isn’t this really a post? When is a post not a post?

Hmm. Probably when it doesn’t discuss an Apple rumor, I guess.

OK, fine.

As a boy, Steve Jobs fired a puppy.

No, really. It’s true. It’s on the Internet, isn’t it?

OK. Now, the Kilo Post… (there you go) is yours.

Try not to mess up the side view mirrors.

And don’t play with the radio.

The Mac Vs. Windows – DEATH CAGE MATCH!

For those of you who might have missed our posting earlier today, CNet’s Tom Krazit was kind enough to quote me in a piece on the whole Mac vs. Windows thing you may have heard of once or twice in the past 17 years. While we were pleased that Krazit sought the opinion of such a respected Apple publication, the piece misses several salient points of the debate, which I will now elucidate.

  • PC users usually smell like dirty sweat socks. Mac users always smell as fresh as a summer rose. If only because so many of us use Summer Rose Feminine Deodorant Spray.
  • PC users iz stoopid. Mac users iz teh smart.
  • While one often hears about how Macs are gay, simple statistics dictate that because there are more Windows users, there are more Windows users who are gay. Even if gay people are more inclined to use the Mac simply because they have a better sense of style, statistically, more gay people use Windows. So, who’s gay now? Why it is you, the Windows user who is gay. On the other hand, you do look good in those chaps. I couldn’t pull off that look, but you make it look good. Do you work out? Not that I’m hitting on you or anything. I’m not. I’m just saying if I were gay…
  • It’s a well-known fact that Windows crashes all the time and that Macs never c
  • [bong!]
  • I heard that Bill Gates spent the summer of 1978 killing hookers in Albuquerque and, if you listen closely, you can still hear their screams every time Windows boots up. Well, that’s what I heard. But it’s also possible it’s just the screams of the people who have to use Windows. Most of whom are corporate hookers which kind of brings the whole argument full circle. QED.
  • For the last time, Mac users do not believe that Steve Jobs is god! Ha-ha-ha! Don’t be foolish! That would be absurd! Preposterous! We simply believe – and this should be fairly obviously true to everyone based on the evidence at hand! – that he is Der Ubermensch, a perfectly evolved individual whose indomitable will will bring about a utopian society where Mac users and iPod users alike will live in perfect harmony with nature and their fellow Mac and iPod users. And, yes, Windows users must be purged in the flames of perdition as the leeching vermin that they are. But believing he’s god? Ha-ha! That would be silly!
  • Humorous names that Steve Ballmer has called Bill Gates include Nerdie McSweatervest, Slouchy McJuicebox, Frumpy McScrawny, Foureyes McFloodpants and Donnie Dorko. I don’t really have a point here, I just think it’s funny.

So, from the perspective of this site, we are clearly ready to leave the old Mac vs. Windows debate behind. We are so over that. Live and let live.

As long as we get the last word.