Greetings, and welcome to our first edition of Inside Apple! Inside Apple will be a recurring feature where we hear straight from Apple employees!
Can you feel the excitement? I know I can!
Oh, no, wait, that’s my jelly doughnut. Ha! Thought I was feeling the excitement and… ha-ha! Instead I’m feeling a jelly doughnut! How crazy is that?! Ha-ha! Ha! Ha. Aaaaaaahhhhh…
OK! Without further ado, let’s go directly to our mole inside the Apple campus! Take it away, inside source!
Mmmm… grubs. Must find more grubs. Eat grubs. Dig. Dig to find grubs. Grubs mean life. Grubs. Grubs. Grubs. Dig, dig, dig. Grub, grubs, grubs. Mmmmm…. Earthworm! Ah! Yum, yum, yum! Dig! Dig to find earthworms! Earthworms mean life!
OK, we’re checking on just what went wrong there. Stand by.
Yeah. Yeah. OK, that was apparently an actual mole. But according to our information, he is located within the Apple campus. Somewhere near where Clarus the dogcow used to be. Out in the, uh… front… lawn… there.
Sooo, we’ll see if we can get our next source Inside Apple and…
Ah! Here we go! Take it away, unnamed Apple insider!
Can you hear me? Is this thing on? OK. Now, I’m in the utility closet near Steve’s office. I’m pretending to work on some of the wiring, but I believe that if I can poke a hole in the wall in the back of the closet, I will have a direct view into Steve’s office! I’m slowly widening the hole the Ethernet cable is coming through. Ah-ha! I see him! He’s at his desk! He’s… he’s… eating something… I can’t make out what it is. He’s also reading the newspaper. A puppy! Oh, my god, he’s eating a puppy! No! No! Wait! Sorry! I think it’s a veggie burrito! Yes, that is confirmed! Steve is eating a veggie burrito! Burrito is confirmed! We have burrito! Did you get that? Hello? Roger me back, Big Momma!”
Oh! Yeah! “Big Momma”. Forgot to mention that. That’s us… we’re… uh… “Big Momma”. ‘Cause… you know, we had to come up with codes names and it… well it… seemed… like a good idea at the time…
Heh. “Big Momma”.
So, wow! Veggie burrito! Who knew, huh?! Granted, it’s no iPad or anything, but still… veggie burrito.
Oh, this sucks.
Look, uh, we’re going to go work in this and, uh, we’ll get back to you.