Back To Work

We’re back! And we’re no longer pink!

Actually, after all that worrying, Masako was totally cool about it. She was just like, “Yeah, whatever.” And we were like, “Really?” And she was like, “Oh, totally.” And we were like, “Wow.” And then her eyes rolled slightly back into her head.

Of course… that was… probably because we replaced the jimmies on her donut with shaved Vicodin. I hated to do it, but it was either that or the tranquilizer gun and that leaves a real big bruise.

After eating the donut, she looked so relaxed that everyone else wanted one. But I had to say, no, this is a serious place of business. We only drug the dangerous employees.

Then Chet picked up a knife and started waving it around, but he wasn’t really scaring anyone.

So, in a slightly addled state, this was the color scheme Masako came up with. Which is.. uh… pretty much the old one. But that’s good because if you don’t like this color then you didn’t like the color before so we’re no worse off than we were when this whole debacle started. It’s a net zero.

And, in a response to Duncan and other people in last week’s comments, this color scheme is much less likely to draw attention when you’re reading CARS at work.

DUNCAN’S BOSS: What’s that you’re reading, Duncan?

DUNCAN: Gah! Dah, uh, er… just brushing up on the fourth quarter report of New England Journal of Paper Jams! You never know when we might get a paper jam around here and I want to be ready!

DUNCAN’S BOSS: Good work, Duncan! I’m putting you in for a raise! [Walks off]

DUNCAN: Sheesh… gonna put a bell on that guy…

See, in this little scene we learned that this color scheme is more professional and can be passed off as almost anything. We also learned that Duncan’s boss is apparently quite concerned about paper jams. But then, who isn’t? They can strike at any time.

But hopefully these colors will keep some of you from getting fired.

A few of you, though… well… there’s only so much we can do. Reading Apple rumor sites during work hours is not your biggest problem. Because when you’re doing that, you’re at least not actively doing something wrong that has to be fixed by other employees. Which is really more the problem.

I’m just sayin’ is all.

Anyway, you can just consider this color the plain brown wrapper you get your Apple porn in.

Although, my porn comes wrapped in black plastic. But that was kind of the color scheme that got us into this whole thing.

But, tomorrow, it’s back to the vital business of covering juicy rumors about…



What was the name of that company again? You know… the one that makes those… thingies… and… the other thing… with the buttons…

Damn it. Don’t tell me. I know this.

– John Moltz, Editor-in-Chief