Airport 3.4 Update Bites The Big One.

In an unusual display of frankness, Apple announced today that the recently released Airport 3.4 “bites the big one” and openly apologized to the Macintosh community.

“Yes, we really screwed the chien on this one,” admitted Senior Vice President of Software Engineering Bertrand Serlet, vigorously working on his own PowerBook’s Airport connection.

Merde,” he said for the fifth time in as many minutes as the connection was dropped. “Quel est le parfait imbécile qui a diffusé ce soft? Ah, mais ne serait-ce pas moi?

In the halls, Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller was helping Chief Software Technology Officer Avie Tevanian map the crappy receiption they were getting.

“Now I’ve got two bars, Phil,” Tevanian shouted as Schiller scribbled into a circle on a pad of engineer’s paper. “No, wait, now it’s zero bars. Oh, now it’s two bars again!”

“We have a bet going,” explained Schiller. “Avie thinks the area of gaps mapped out will be sort of a Navajo Power Circle. Or Circle of Lack of Power, I guess. I think it’ll be the Circle of Death described by the Mung tribes of Laos.

Schiller’s map included an area marked with a skull and crossbones and noted as the “Inexplicable Zone of Death.”

“We just… uh… we… don’t have a lot to do today… since, uh, the network’s basically down…”

“Oh!” Tevanian suddenly shouted. “Three bars! Three bars!

“Oh, no, wait. Sorry! Sorry. That’s… that’s my Volume icon. I was… looking at the… wrong thing.”

Apple assured customers that the rest of Apple was diligently working on the problem.