If you enjoyed the Mega-Post, then you’ll love…
SON OF MEGA-POST!
Or, I hope so, because we’re off again next week. Back on Tuesday the 8th.
So, again, please enjoy…
SON OF MEGA-POST!
That’s…
SON OF MEGA-POST!
Ask for it by name. Void where prohibited by law. Use only as directed. Consult a physician if swelling occurs. Operators are standing by.
Ha-ha!
Swelling.
1st!
First post? Although maybe I should actually read the article first…
That moment of doubt cost you the first post, Melvin.
1st post to realize that it isn’t the 1st post 🙂
Huh!…hmm…nope…Anyone seen my car keys around here?…nope…
The only way the Son of Megapost will be a success is if you yum-bums can keep yourselves from posting fluff to reach some sort of “milestone.”
I’m speaking to you here, Cai. You yum-bum.
Another vacation so soon? Man, all I get is a long weekend.
8th post, interesting
9th post, not interesting…
I’m goin’ back to the good ole megapost!
Excellent, once again power is in my hands. We will have a calm and orderly mega post here, no multi-posting one right after the other. You are to all take turns posting so as to not interrupt the cycle of communication. I talk, you talk, they talk, Cai dies, I talk again. That is how a mega post goes. Also, there is a limit of 12 animals per person. Yes, 12. Arbitrary number? Not on your life. Which is the penalty for having more than 12 animals. A spanking by a pretty Swede in leathers or fluffy attire is the penalty for having less than 12. Have no animals and I’ll give you a sexbot. Which I’m sure you all know “doesn’t exist”. Because everything I do is “top secret” and involves “killing people” while “breaking conventional laws in order to assure humanity’s survival”. My fingers “hurt” from doing “all” this “quoting” “while” “I” “talk”.
So, let’s all behave, shall we? I’d hate to use my iFlame, and in the interest of calm and reasonableness, you will all get a glow in the dark bouncy ball at the end of this should you play nice. I mean, “play nice”. There, much better.
Here here! Right on halexists. Let’s all try to keep the
Educational tone and quality on this site on the high level John has set.
Yes, we can do it, it can be done.
Cai and rest of you die hards Mega-Posters
A little restraint would be appreciated
In particular, count down posts are problematical.
Hard as it may be to refrain from pointless posts,
Every post should contain a portion of perspicacity, a
Reason for existence
Each post should be well written
Where possible, they should reference the previous posts.
Even if the post is funny, it should be in context.
Getting the posters to practice self restraint may be impossible.
One solution would be to require posters send their posts to
A censor to vet the post before posting.
Gosh, I think halexist volunteered for the post with his previous post!
A tightly controlled and approved megapost
In place of an asulym on fire would be a welcome change.
Naturally, this would be a huge change…..
YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY__The_MegaPost_lives_again!!!!!
This is going to get ugly.
1st post to realize that I don’t care which post this is 😉
ÂÂ
Mister, would you please help my pony?
He’s over there behind the tree
He’s down in the dirt, would ya help him?
I think it’s his lung
Mister would you please help my pony?
He’s chewin’ bark and not the leaves
He’s cryin’ like a baby, would you help him?
I think it’s his lung
Mister, would you please help my pony?
He’s down and he ain’t gettin’ up
He coughed up snot in the driveway
And I think his lung’s fucked up
Pony, Pony, Pony
Mister, would you please help my pony?
I think it’s his lung
Mister, would you please help my pony?
He’s over there lookin’ at me
He can’t talk because he’s a pony
I think it’s his lung
[repeat first verse]
Ha-ha!
Badger.
Last post!
…for me…
today.
Do you suppose Rod Ederle would change his mind about Macs if someone sent a sexbot to his house? They definitely WILL NOT run in Windows, that’s for sure.
(I’d go check on the proper spelling of “Ederle,” if I cared that much.)
Way to kick a generation of latchkey kids when they’re down, CARS. No, that’s fine. You don’t worry about us, we’re used to it. Go! Have your fun!
Just like my dad. Pfft…
John! you lazy shit.
how many times are the rubes going to do your job for you around here?
It’s Rob Enderle. He’s an important tech analyst. Possibly, also, an important analist, but I don’t know much about his personal life.
And Moltz, this is so lame. Soon, I will be writing more for your site than my own.
beavers and ducks!
Shangri-la, Shangri-la, Shangri-la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la… no wait.
Let’s get this out of the white background box…
LALALALALALALALANALANALANALALALALALANALANALANALANALANALALALALALALALALALA!
That should do it.
That there is a Ween song.
bit ironic, really
Clams and snakes
Wait a minute, Dude… are we playing some weird, vaguely sexual, innuendo word game?
Or is beavers and ducks a reference to something else?
Oh Huck… to get out of the box you need more emphasis.
Try this…
YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY__The_MegaPost_lives_again!!!!!_
Much more meaningful
They’re gone again!!!!
they are just goint to be recovering from all of the alchohol they will consume over this weekend. i bet the entity is going to get plastered.
well good luck to that, and like I said before, you can always go to my website,
http://mypersonalgetaway.com or just click on my name. that will give you some stuff to do
say it with me!!
http://www.mypersonalgetaway.com/
http://www.mypersonalgetaway.com/
http://www.mypersonalgetaway.com/
http://www.mypersonalgetaway.com/http://www.mypersonalgetaway.com/http://www.mypersonalgetaway.com/
ehh, I messed it up
what?
mmmmm, nachos….
Ha-ha!
Clammy.
what is my personal gateway dot cooom?
what is shangrila la la la n… ?
what is the difference between an analist and an analyst?
what are the CARS staff doing when they don’t post?
What is Masako’s cup size?
I heard the CARS team is off to a reunion of The Entity’s old unit from the GWII (Galatic War 2 for the slow). They’ll get togather for a week of sing alongs, square dancing, roasting marshmellows and target shooting Ewoks.
What fun, what fellowship, what a load!
And your little dog, too!
It’s true.
Morrissey is pretty dangerous.
Er, I mean “dangerous.”
Also [checks over shoulder to see if anyone’s listening] . . . is it just me or, well . . . does anyone think it’d be a right laugh to break into the CARS offices? I mean – advertising they’re away like that. Seems like a come on to me to me; like they *want* us to break in. And, you know, sniff around for anything “of interest” (as long as their batteries arent’ flat; I’m not shelling out for 50 new Duracells just ‘cos Moltz can’t afford a proper girlfriend).
Obviously I couldn’t join you, what with me being in Blighty and all.
And then there’s my gammy leg.
Curse you, Jerry.
But I’d be right behind you as you gemmy’d the lock.
You know, in a spiritual and moral sense.
The ‘behind you’, that is. Not the jemmying of the lock.
Anyway, how about you lot Yankee-side sort it out amongst yourselves and then just send me my share of the “loot” for being ‘The Man With The Plan.’
Must go now; all this typing is hurting my “crippled” hand.
Honest.
Brother Mugga
PS: Your right, Laemkral; this *is* “fun”.
When the the Clog Festifal begin?
I have brung fresh bacon!
I wholeheartedly object to this random use of words that are strung together haphazardly to serve no purpose whatsoever. If I wanted that I’d have read any of Microsoft’s marketing pages.
In closing, “rabbi” is a really funny looking word. I mean look at it: “rabbi”. Weird.
Oh yeah? You know what’s really weird? Put two words together that look funny. Cuz the funny adds… no, it multiplies. So let’s say rabbi equals… eleven. In fact, it’s eleven squared because eleven is a funny word too (e.g. eleventy-two).
No, that would be eleventy then, so let’s make it eleventy squared. Okay that’s for “rabbi.” “Rabbi” gets eleventy squared.
Someone get a calculator.
Right now we need a good one to go with “rabbi” and maybe we’ll just stop using quotes too. So a good one that’ll really multiply good. Or well, that’s much better actually.
Okay, here we go: pooprabbi
…I think that’s worth a lot.
Is this really SON OF MEGAPOST? Because we want to be immortalized POST-haste with the rest of you POSTers. In the CARS archives, of course, back at the POSToffice. In this POST-modern world, we missed out on the first MEGAPOST, because we didn’t realize history was in the making. Sadly, life passed us by and we feel that we didn’t get a FAIR SHAKE. A POSTscript to society, that’s all. Upon the doorPOST is a POSThanger, barely keeping us from going POSTal. But, the POSTman we are not, so we’ll stare down this POSThole until the POSTcards stop coming…
**scratches head in disbelief, trying to understand it all**
hmmmm where’s mrs. mega-post? Is there a mrs. mega-post? how can there be a son of mega-post if there is no mrs. mega-post?
OR have we been decieved into thinking that the mega-post is male, when it is infact female. In that case, wheres mr. mega-post? Is there a mr. mega-post? or did mrs. mega-post go down to the fertility clinic because she was too unattractive to find a mr. mega-post (bit like Janet Reno)……
Or was there no conception and son of mega-post has in fact been adopted because the original mr. and mrs. mega-post (who shall remain nameless) were so high on crack and throwing down way to many 40’s that they weren’t able to raise son of mega-post.
John, you leave so many questions unanswered……. maybe the entity could shed some light on all this confusion.
“Pooprabbi” is a goody.
My mate, Strega ( http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/show.cgi?show=10 ) reckons that combining expletives with carpentry tools is always a safe bet.
For example: ‘cockhammer.’
Instant weird-amusingness.
So I guess Moltz is a complete tosslathe for running off and leaving us.
Hmmmm.
Guess that technique needs a little more polishing.
Brother Mugga
No Mrs. Mega Post??!?? Of course there is no Mrs. Mega Post. The correct title in this series is “Bride of Megapost” THEN “Son of Megapost” follwed by “Megapost does Memphis.” Some people. Sheeesh!
Hmmm….. “shitwrench”.
Yes, yes that works.
“Sons of…” are never quite as good as the original.
And it’s usually because of me.
I’m posting just to increase the number of comments. 42!
It was an Immaculate Conception, with a capital “I” and a capital “C”.
It’s coming has been prophesied in most cultures throughout the world, each with its own slight variations, but all the stories all seem to point to its coming as the beginning of the end for an evil tyranny that, it is foretold, threatens to enslave the world. Little else is known about this so called tyranny apat from a symbol that has been found painted inside cave walls in places as far flung as outer mongolia and shefeild, england.
It looks something like this:
______
/__/__/
/__/__/
I didn’t technically say we were leaving the offices. We’re just… “off.” Which also can describe any other week.
Anyway, as a management technique, I find it’s good to make everyone spend some quiet time with their heads down on their desks so they can think about what they’ve done and how sorry they should be.
Ha-ha!
Rabbi.
Moltz, you are so *utterly* transparent in your attempts to deter us from chaving your Fembots and extensive collection of Uruguayan porn.
“Oooh, oooh – we’re here really. Honest.”
Yeah, right.
What’s next?; timer light-switches?; one of those ‘barking dog’ doorbells?; staked bear-pits with laser triggers?
Hmmm . . . actually that’d be pretty cool.
Especially the one that sounds like Cujo on a bender.
‘Rwwof, rrrrrrwoof!’
Hah.
Much better than those poncey ‘Big Ben’ themes.
The clock, I mean. Not the Bear.
Or was that Gentle Ben?
I kind of lost interest after they cancelled ‘The Brady Bunch’, to be honest. That and ‘The Flashing Blade.’
Er . . . am I saying this out loud?
Rrrright.
Anyway, the point is we *know* you’re not there, so just drop it, yeah?
And tell us where you keep the batteries, or we’ll go through your desk.
And I’m sure you don’t want us looking in *that* drawer, do you? Hmmm? No, that’s right.
No indeed.
Brother Mugga
PS: Joobles – I’m nicking ‘shitwrench’. I have a few student report cards to write up by Monday…
Clearly Mega-Post has no gender, and thusly it is infact asexual. However, Moltz made the mistake of calling it’s genetic derivement “Son of Mega Post” which is most untrue as we’ve already established Mega Posts are gender neutral. Really it should be “Genetic Offspring of Mega Post, Henceforth Known As Pat”. Pat, is this Mega Post. It’s a wonderfully gender neutral name that implies no connotations of sexuality since there are none because mega posts are asexual.
And anyone who says different gets the red S’mores stick in the elbow. Cause that really does hurt what with the elbow being a very sensitive spot and all.
Has anyone seen my little pet mega-poster.
He/She (I don’t know what it is yet, it bites whenever I try and take a look) is about……………………………….this big, got the cutist little fluffy ears with black tips, little pink nose and wears a little red ribbon round its neck.
Answers to the name of Cai, It was last seen in the Mega-Post on the 26th… that’s.. like … three days ago.
I’m getting worried now. Its never done anyhting like this before. Hardly ever leaves the hair covered cusion by the fire… usually just content enough to sit there, licking its nuts (hey! it must be a male then, right?).
3 days and no sign.
If anyone sees Cai don’t approach it, has a tendency to snap at strangers.
Cai…………hereCai…………..CAI…………..CAI…………CAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Funny that. When one member of staff goes, the entire staff go. Is it that they are all manifestations of a single composite being, a shared conciousnes as it were. Or is there a simpler explanation…
Yes. We’re all in on the same time-share.
(Well if you’re not writing stories this week…)
For immediate release:
In an exclusive interview today, Steve Jobs revealed that for the past ten years he has been leading an exciting double life. For not only is he the iCEO of Apple Computer, he is also the (allegedly criminal) genius, Doctor Evil.
“How else would I have been able to build a reality distorion field?” he asks. “I’m surprised noone thought it was obvious”.
But over the last several years, Steve has grown tired of keeping his alter ego a secret, and now wants the world to know his identity.
“I tried to give people clues” he says. “You know, so people could think they’re clever to work it all out”. But none of the rumour sites actually seemed to notice. “Next time I’ll just fax them an anonymous press release the day before the keynote.”
Those clues are more obvious in hindsight, of course. One such detail, the announcement at MacWorld San Fransico 2003 of a cloned PowerBook, was missed by all but the most asute observers. “I’ll call it the mini PowerBook G4.”, he announced in his Keynote speech. “It’s identical to a regular PowerBook G4 in every way, but five eigths the size”.
“I actually wanted my own clone, Mini Me, to appear in the advert.” recalls Jobs . “But back then he was still a bit concerned about revealing his secret identity as hollywood actor Jake Lloyd. Then of course, Number Two had the idea of asking Verne Troyer to appear, and the rest is history”.
Troyer played the role of Mini-Me in the Austin Powers series of documentary films, dramatised by and starring Mike Myers. “It’s odd how people seem to think those films are as fabricated as a Microsoft switcher advert.” says Myers. “I guess truth is stranger than fiction.”
Bill Gates was not available for comment today. None of our sources were able to confirm conclusively that he lives a double life as unfashionable stuck-in-the-sixties spy Austin Powers, but let’s face it – the teeth are a bit of a giveaway.
hello
I’m sorry. i have to tell you that I really feel bad, that I thoutght you just made up all this conversation going on here. I think that you guys are great.
There’s just one thing I would like to say, and hats about all those seick bastards. HAVE SOME FAITH! HAVE SOME FUCKING FAITH!! PLEASE!
ok. thats it. really short and easy. just fucking shut up and we all can have some peace.
and please send me a t-shirt.