According to frightened sources within Apple hardware engineering, CEO Steve Jobs created an electronic device from nothing but clay and his power to bend matter earlier today.
In a brainstorming session with hardware engineers, Jobs attempted to describe a device that was part personal digital assistant and part portable game device. When engineers were having trouble imagining some of the particulars of the device, Jobs called for some clay to be delivered to the conference room.
“At first I thought he was just going to mold a model,” one visibly shaken source said.
Jobs did make a physical representation of the device, but then to the shock of those gathered he held it in his hands for several moments as he stared at it maniacally.
“I thought I heard him whisper something… maybe it was Latin…” the source said.
“It was old high Sanskrit,” another glassy-eyed engineer said in a monotone, staring off into space.
“Old. High. Sanskrit.”
When Jobs was finished, he laid a fully functional device upon the table and said matter-of-factly “Something like that. Except… you know… make it white and chrome.”
“Someone asked ‘If you can do that, why do you need us to make it?’ and Jobs said ‘I am merely the catalyst. As lightening is to the fire… as the fire is to the conflagration…
“Plus… uh… the clay is special golem clay. Comes from Africa. It’s like $500 an ounce. But I know this guy who gets if for me for $475.”
Jobs destroyed the device at the end of the meeting by pulverizing it with the leg bone of a yak.