12 Jul 04Information Surfaces on September iMac's Cardboard Box.


While information on the September iMacs is sketchy at best, details on the cardboard box it will come in are beginning to shape up.

Sources within Apple’s cardboard box division indicate that the box will indeed be squarish, featuring folding flaps on both the top as well as the bottom. Rumors of a cylindrical container now appear to be false, but sources promise that this will be a box to remember.

“This is the kind of cardboard box Mac users have been looking forward to seeing their Macs in for years,” said one source. “It’s really going to knock their socks off.”

With high-quality construction and a laminate exterior featuring pictures of the product, this box will be a must-have for the discriminating iMac buyer.

Plus, they’re all just going to come with one anyway.

“You’re definitely going to get one,” the source said, “but this is a box you’re probably go out and buy for your iMac if you didn’t.

“If you have children, they’re really going to want to play with this cardboard box.”

Indeed, because of Apple’s history in the education market, the company’s boxes have long been known to be “kid-friendly.”

Apple only recommends removing plastic bags and cable ties which can be a choking hazard, and soaking the box in a solution of hypochlorous acid to remove the exterior laminate which, as every Mac user knows, is highly toxic and should never come in contact with the eyes, mouth, ears, nose or genitals.

Alternatively, any federally registered abatement company can remove the laminate for you and dispose of it by detonating it in the desert.

Meanwhile, information on the Styrofoam supports internal to the box is proving harder to come by. Some sources did indicate that they had seen several prototype Styrofoam supports around the Apple campus including a Flower Power support that has since been abandoned in favor of plain white.

As the September iMac’s introduction approaches, more information on flyer inserts, adhesive licensing notices and possibly even the inclusion of a small bag of desiccant will hopefully become available.

No Responses to “Information Surfaces on September iMac's Cardboard Box.”

  1. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    Couldn’t be first. No way.

  2. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    And second? Wake up. people!

  3. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    You know, this is taking the tarnish of my first postyness.

  4. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    I’d go home if I could find my keys.

  5. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    And of course dalnet is inaccesible. Maybe I should try one of those instant message thingies.

  6. John Moltz says:

    Congratulations Dwartz!

    (Is that what you were looking for?)

  7. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    I seriously have an eMac box sitting in my living room at the moment. No eMac, just the box I took home from work. Now I’m worried about that toxic laminate thing.

  8. Carlos says:

    You know, you spend all this good money on expensive toys and the box ends up being worth more entertainment. Unless you got something really, really cool. For example, you could get a 1/6 scale replica of a violin. That might have more allure than compressed tree bark, metaphors of tortured cats notwithstanding.

    Live long and prosper,

    C

  9. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    Yes! Thank you, John (if that’s really you…)

    Remember me from the chickens thrown into jet engine thread? Ahh, the good old days.

  10. micahgartman says:

    Hey, John? Do you own a fucking dictionary?

    “Styrafoam” isn’t spelled with an ‘A.’

    Maybe Ugluk should start proofing for you…

    mg

  11. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    If you had a 1/6th scale replica of a 1/4 violin, would that be the same as having a 1/24th scale replica of a 4/4 violin? Or even a 1/8th scale replica of a 3/4 violin?

    You’re not Carlos the assasin guy, are you? Because I wouldn’t want to piss him off with stupid questions…

  12. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    Erm, “assassin.”

    (For micahgartman).

  13. John Moltz says:

    I have a dictionary but… it’s all the way over there…

  14. larry the hobo says:

    I look forward to the new box.

    Any info on it’s thermal characteristics? Does it retain heat well? More importantly can a full grown man use two of them for a tent?

  15. Citizen Of Trantor says:

    OK. OK. Whiner. I’ll use my VAST MENTAL POWERS to telekinetically move the dictionary over to you.

    OK. Here it comes. Look at me. Gotta concentrate. VAST MENTAL POWERS, ya know. Look at me. Look at me. OK! Done!

    Oops. Sorry. Although you could have ducked. It wasn’t moving *that* fast. Sheesh.

    Oh, and the wormhole activity will clear up in a week or two. Drink lots of fluids and avoid microwaves.

  16. Gag Halfrunt says:

    Does the box come with pants?

  17. Aaron says:

    “sox”? Is this just another misspelling, or is it some concept where “box” and “sox” are supposed to be similar?

  18. John Moltz says:

    “Sox” is old school, yo.

    Old school for, uh… “socks”.

    As in Boston Red Sox.

  19. Adam Jackson says:

    the eMac book is the best but this was not a good topic at all. you guys running out of ideas?

    write on about what steve is doing in his spare time since he does not have a keynote at boston.

  20. JAV says:

    I have a big G5 box that I use as an end table beside by couch. I put my TiVo remote control on it as well as salty snacks. It’s great.

    The cats also love boxes.

  21. ~ Mr. John Winky, Esq. VIII (and a half) says:

    You have lost your fooking mind!

    Congratulations!

  22. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Now THIS is funny!

  23. Anonymous says:

    I`ll get me 3 or 4 of these boxes. I`ll be the most stylish bum in the whole street!

    The old ones start to smell anyway (brand: “wallstreet”).

  24. The Cheese Man says:

    24th POST BITCHES

  25. John Moltz says:

    I hate the way the Cheese Man invades my dreams.

  26. Brother Mugga says:

    (sigh)

    Okay, I know you only put it in so we’d ask.

    But . . . *genitals*?

    How did you find that out?

    No diagrams please.

    PS: I can’t think that’s really Moltz channelling Whedon in the ‘Cheese Man’ post. Moltz, if that *isn’t* you, can’t you somehow prevent others using your name? You know, like McDonald’s. And Microshaft. And Mr. Wayne Cable. This site’s confusing enough as it is.

    PPS: I have no other thoughts. I just like the letter ‘P’.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Speling probelems shudn’t bee a big deel if the arthur is geting teh poinnt accros.

  28. rugdog says:

    Moltz, While you have that dictionary open, the one with which Citizen of Trantor so kindly smacked you upside the head, you may want to check out the use of “dessicate” vs. “desiccant.” One’s a verb. The other’s a noun.

    Although, come to think of it, perhaps Apple is working on a way to package and ship verbs. That would be cool.. When can I order my “enrich”? Need some of that so I can buy a new G5!

  29. Huck says:

    Yes, I wouldn’t mind some “fuck” over here.

  30. greenacres says:

    Perhaps the new Imac will have two halves instead of one. Is that why the genitals were mentioned as not to touch the box? Oh, my, now it looks like a pair of female, round, full…(shudder…sigh…). Excuse me, I need to go change my pants…

  31. Brother Mugga says:

    (r.e. Huck)

    . . . as your airmen used to say, no doubt, during double-ya double-ya two.

    PS: Thanks for the comment, by the way. I *think* that’s the first time in a couple of months that I’ve actually soiled myself while laughing. Cheers for that.

  32. MacStansbury says:

    no comments on the story or anything, just want people to make with the visitation on my site. the MacStansbury.com.

    oh, and “soiled” and “Cheers” in ya post Mugga? That’s too…Englishish.

    and I have plugged http://www.footballbadgers.com/ today? cause if I haven’t, go to http://www.footballbadgers.com/ or God will kill some kittens.

    No, wait, that’s if you masturbate. God kills kittens when you masturbate. I read it on the internet, so it must be true.

  33. John Moltz says:

    I may post as other people, but no one may post as me.

    Well, at least not for very long. Not without severe chafing setting in. In an… area… you really don’t want it. Not that you want chafing anywhere. Although, with you people you never know.

    Also, what does it mean when it says the comment IP addresses “ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!”? And where are my kidneys and why am I lying in this bathtub full of ice?

  34. Huh? says:

    Dammit, Gag. I want my pants back!

  35. Huck says:

    I’m pretty sure god kills a kitten whenever god kills a kitten (but that’s not referring to the same kitten). He uses just about any excuse…

    P.S. My pleasure Brother Mugga. The more people soiling themselves the better, I always say.

  36. Brother Mugga says:

    ‘Chafing’? Now that’s a positively disgusting word.

    Although ‘chafe’ is even better, surely?

    Although it is almost impossible to say without sounding a *tiny* bit like a gaylord.

    There you go, MacStansbury; ‘gaylord’. That’s another little slice of Olde Englande for yeah.

    PS: What does god do if *Jesus* kills a kitten? Or is it a case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing? Obviously, if god *did* do anything, he’d actually have to use his left hand, what with Jesus sitting on the other one . . .

  37. Bill Eccles says:

    ATTENTION HUCK.

    Huck, please return to the MegaPost. We’re having trouble with the coffee again.

    THAT IS ALL.

  38. Cai says:

    ATTENTION HUCK!

    Please return to the Mega Post…..

    we’re having….trouble….

    the coffee is weird and tastes funny, there’s nuts all over the floor, del is getting drunk (I think) and it’s all going to get a bit messy………

    and besides…

    we all miss you, dude!

    *sniff*

  39. NOT John Moltz says:

    My favorite thing is pretty dresses!

    [This comment was NOT posted by me! But, as it’s true, I’ll allow it. – John]

  40. Del says:

    I’m not drunk I’m big boned… wait that isn’t right…

    HMM…

    I’m not as think as you drunk I am… that isn’t right either.

    Ummm… what were we talking about?

  41. Brother Mugga says:

    My favourite thing is talking about my favourite things . . . while wearing pretty dresses.

    That’s right; several of ’em.

    I can simply *never* chose between them…

    PS: Yes, it does chafe.

    PPS: Ooooh, get me…

  42. Del says:

    Baby Powder will help with the chafing or so I have been told by several regimental men in kilts.

  43. Huck says:

    Holy crap! I didn’t know they had an intercom system in here! Cool!

    Quickly Robin, to the Mega-Post!

  44. Anonymous says:

    Chafing is the least of your problems.

  45. Seriously, though, I liked this one. Made me laugh out loud!

    It was a good post, but no one else take my idea about eBooks…I made reference to it in the mega post.

  46. Just so you all know: in Philadelphia it is spelled: Steerfoam. And it it is very attractive it is then spelled biyutifal steerfoam.

    From deep inside Gov. Ed Rendell’s briefs.

    He lives in my nightmares. And on my Website.

  47. Marook says:

    Hi All..

    I have to admit, this got me laughing… on the floor.

    I actually still have the original box for my 20. Anniversary Mac in the basement (the TAM is next to me..) and.. now.. THAT was a box!

  48. TwoHeadedBoy says:

    Woohoo, first post!

    What?

    Oh, really?

    Oh well…bugger. Say, does anyone have any sugar I can borrow?

  49. mr. conspiracy says:

    ZOMBIE BOXES FROM THE LANDFILL….er…FROM THE GRAVE ARE GOING TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! IT’S ALL PART OF STEVE’S WORLD DOMINATION PLOT!

  50. Thomas says:

    Yes, yes, it’s true. I’m typing this while wearing a pretty dress, because the pants I stole started to chaff when I tried to out dance the bear from MacStansbury.com — I tell ya, no one can out dance that bear. No, not even me, not even while wearing stolen pants.

    Well maybe, just maybe, a sexbot could out dance the bear….

    Sorry about the pants Gag and Huh? After the dancing and the chaffing. And why did you use sooo much starch in those pants?

    I don’t actually have the pants anymore, the paramedics took them away from me. But I do have a special box I’ve made from paper mache. Why it even looks like a 1/16 scale Flower Power iMac. It even fits in the palm of my hand. Would you like a special box?

    Ah, the memories. strips of paper. Paper and glue. *Sniff* Good times…

    Um, what was I saying?

    *Shiver* I — see — badgers *Shiver*