14 Jul 04Relations Between Apple And Third Party Developers Sour.

Apple Insider has reported that Apple has nixed plans to allow third party developers to have access to Software Update. But this represents only one crack in the crumbling facade of Apple developer relations.

In addition to denying access to Software Update, Apple has recently enacted the following changes:

  • Updates of Xcode will no longer be chopped fine and spoon-fed to developers, as they only end up screaming and throwing it on the floor.
  • A random developer will no longer be picked to appear on Phil Schiller’s Celebrity Pajama Party, which may be the unkindest cut of all as this week features Jennifer Connelly and Eliza Dushku.
  • Apple will no longer hang out at the Gas-N-Sip with developers since developers took to dating that rich girl from across town who, Apple feels certain, looks down on “cutters”.
  • Discounts given to developers on new hardware will be discontinued. Instead, developers will be allowed their pick of the over-ripe bananas at Caffe Macs.
  • Mmm… Jennifer Connelly and Eliza Dushku…
  • Instead of detailed documentation on system calls, developers will receive a gag postcard showing Avie Tevanian in a field straddling two giant pumpkins and reading “Greetings from Big Balls, USA.”
  • Developers will no longer receive pre-release versions of Mac OS X, but they will receive notification that Apple is not touching them and then they will be asked if that bugs them.
  • The release of Mac OS X after Tiger (code named Lion or, possibly, Electric Zebra) will include every software feature currently being produced by a third party developer, driving them all out of business.

Developers, meanwhile, have not taken these changes lying down. A consortium of Apple developers has decided that, in lieu of coding for the Mac ever again, they will instead drink too much, overeat, listen to “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell over and over while staring wistfully at a framed picture of Steve Jobs, sighing heavily.

Only the latter two actually represent any change from their current behavior.

According to other developers not affiliated with the consortium, Apple really was never their friend anyway and they were just pretending to be friends with the company because they felt sorry for it.

No Responses to “Relations Between Apple And Third Party Developers Sour.”

  1. glenster says:

    Hmmmm…. delurk for first?

  2. markeddy says:

    d’oh! That could have been me!

    Second post!

  3. glenster says:

    Whattaya know! Now I have to write something witty…


    I have a big….


    Bring on the sexb…


    Ugluk try hard…


    Hmmm this is harder than it looks! (She said)

  4. markeddy says:

    Man. That Phil Schiller is a babe MAGNET.

  5. Dan Pourhadi says:

    Well that’s the closest I’ve ever came!


  6. markeddy says:

    Mad props for trying, glenster. I never know what to say at these things either.

    Heh. Big Balls.

  7. markeddy says:

    Is anyone in here old enough to buy beer? Cause I can pay . . .

  8. markeddy says:

    It’s just . . . I got pulled over for speeding, which was totally bogus, since I was totally going with the flow of traffic, like I was going 76 when everyone around me was going 75, maybe. I think the cop just saw the Apple sticker on the back of my car and decided to take out his frustrations with the company on me or something, but anyway, he took my license and the guy in the Gas-N-Sip won’t accept my ticket as an ID since it doesn’t have my photo on it. Like what, is the cop gonna take a polaroid of me and staple it to the speeding ticket? I don’t think so.

  9. markeddy says:

    No one? That’s okay. I’ll just mosey over to the Circle K, where the cool people hang out.

  10. curl says:

    what does the article mean by “cutters”? those who cut drugs with baking soda and flour to increase its market price? or those who sadomasochistically cut themselves?

  11. fuddes says:

    It’s neither of those, Curl. I’m a cutter, and I can tell you firsthand that we sit around cutting the cheese.

  12. Jodhpurs says:

    Hence the looking-down-upon from cross-town rich girls

  13. Mike Connor says:

    Have you ever been to…ElectricZebraLadyLand?

  14. curl says:

    so you’re telling me that cross-town girls like drugs and s&m?…

    sweet, i gotta stop hanging out on this side of the tracks.

  15. foo bar says:



    1. Local boys in east coast college town from buddy-bicycle TV movie from the 1980’s. Name originating from the local industry of quarry mining, or cutting stone. Cutters is a deragatory term for kids who don’t go to college and cut stone instead.

    2. Name for pseudonymous secret brotherhood from TV Simpsons show.

    CARS is referencing 1., above. Sorry I forget the name of the movie. IMDB, anyone?

  16. Huck says:

    Whoah, I learn so much here!

  17. Former Developer says:

    That’s it. Apple’s done it again. I’m not even going to whine anymore. (Oops. Just did.)

    Well, from now on, instead of software…

    Wire Sculpture!

    Now Clippy, stop screaming. I’ve just got to bend you a few more times — there, my first sculpture! A wire model Gulfstream. (Oh, wait.)

    Quick, must reshape Clippy. Now, Clippy, I said stop screaming.

    There, my second sculpture. A wire model bicycle.

    I feel better now.

  18. fahlman says:

    My iMix would include Tainted Love, if I had an iMix, which I don’t, but if I did, it would include Tainted Love.

  19. Carlos says:

    “You will give me a million dollars.” Great quote.

    BTW (or AP, as it would be in spanish) gracias for the translation of CARS! Well, the name of the site anyway.

    Live long and prosper,


  20. e “You me donnera million de dollars.” ; Grande citation. Gracias de BTW (ou AP, car elle serait dans l’Espagnol) pour la traduction des VOITURES ! Bien, le nom de l’emplacement de toute fa¿‘. Longs de phase et prosp‚fint,

  21. “You will give me hebben miljoen dollars.” Great quote. BTW (echter AP, azen IT would be in spanish) gracias for the translation of AUTO! Well, the name of the plaats anyway. Live lange and Prosper,

  22. Anonymous says:

    “?? ??? ?????? ??????????? ???????.” ?????? ?????????.

    , ????????? ??? ?? ???? ??? ????????) gracias BTW (? AP

    ??? ?? ????????? ???????????! ????, ?? ????? ??? ????????


    ????? ???? ??? ??????????,

  23. greenacres says:

    The odd part about using the term ‘cutters’ from the movie ‘Breaking Away’ is that when I went to school at Indiana University in ’82-’86’, nobody knew what a ‘cutter’ looked like among the local populace. Was limestone quarried from around there? Sure was. Is that how GLAARKU was released from the depths? You better believe it. (BTW: the most popular pick up line on the campus at the time was “Didn’t I see you in Breaking Away?”)(Ok, ok, it didn’t work for me, either…)

  24. Small Paul says:

    Mmmmm… Jennifer Connelly…

  25. Wiggle Sphere says:

    Cultivation ten depending discusses in the apple of insanity.

  26. I’ve got this burning, burning, yearning feeling inside me… So deep inside me…

  27. Fringe says:

    Mmm… Jennifer Connelly and Eliza Dushku…

  28. El Capitano Corelli says:

    Add Emma Caulfield and… now you’re talking.

  29. The Cheese Man says:

    Try to touch this HUCK BITCH!!!!

  30. Adaman says:

    Oooh, Breaking Away. I saw that movie a few weeks ago. Good movie. I was very suspicious of the connection…