Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Q: I recently bought an Apple Keyboard which I like very much. It’s a nice compact design with an excellent feel to the keys. However, I’d like to overclock it to make it run faster. Can you tell me how?
A: Um… I don’t think you can overclock a keyboard. It’s not really processing anything…
Q: Oh. Well, how about my printer?
A: I’m… not sure. I doubt it, though.
Q: Huh. Well… I have an orange. Can I overclock this orange?
A: Do you even know what overclocking is?
Q: It just makes things go faster. I want things that are faster.
A: Well, yes, but it also makes them run hotter.
Q: Ahhh, really? Well, then can I…
A: You cannot overclock your pants.
Q: Dammit, why not?!
Q: I’ve been reading this and other rumor sites for a long time and, as there doesn’t seem to be much to it, I’ve decided to start my own rumor site. The problem is, all of the good domain names are taken. SpyMac.com… AppleInsider.com…
A: Ah, I see.
Q: So, I’ve got it down to MacSkizzleFrizzle.com or AppleSkizzleFrizzle.com. Which one do you think is better?
A: Uh… are you sure those are the only ones available?
Q: Yes! And I’m really worried that they’re going to get taken! So, c’mon, which one?
A: Um… well… they both suck, so…
Q: Yes, yes! Hurry!
A: I don’t know. I guess…
Q: AGH! Dammit! They’re gone! They’re gone! Someone else snatched them up. That’s great. That’s just great. Thanks for the timely help! [click]
A: Hello? Hello? Huh. … MacSkizzleFrizzle?
Q: HELLO, FRIEND!
A: Ah, crap…
Q: DO YOU LIKE TEXAS HOLD ‘EM?!
Q: OH. HOW ABOUT GAY BONDAGE SEX?!
A: Um… hmmm… well… No! No, no.
Q: THEN PERHAPS I CAN INTEREST YOU IN PAI GOW?
A: I… don’t even know what that is. Is it dirtier than gay bondage sex?
Q: UHHH… ACTUALLY, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS EITHER. IT’S JUST ON THIS LIST…
A: Look, I’m just not interested in anything you have. And if I were, I wouldn’t click on your link because I loath and despise your tactics.
Q: AH. I SEE. ACTUALLY… YOU KNOW… I’M NOT REALLY ASSOCIATED WITH ANY OF THESE SITE.
Q: I’M JUST VERY LONELY, YOU SEE…
A: Then… why are you typing like that?
Q: WHAT? OH! I’m sorry. My caps lock key was on.