12 Oct 04Microsoft Has A Friend Come Over To Help With Spyware Problem.


According to sources close to the company, Microsoft has finally broken down and asked a friend to come over and help fix the rampant spyware problem on its computer.

“I just couldn’t take it anymore,” the company said. “All these popup windows and redirects – it was driving me crazy!

“I asked around and the only way to fix it was some complicated process of editing the registry and… and…

Hanging its head, the company finally admitted “I just couldn’t figure it out.”

Steve Showalter, a technically savvy friend of the company, spent six hours eradicating a host of malware from Microsoft’s PC.

“It was bad,” said Showalter, wiping his brow after emerging from the company’s home. “I had to clean house. Then I installed a different browser because, sheesh, Microsoft was using Internet Explorer! It was like they were asking for it.”

The company expressed extreme frustration at having to deal with such an inconvenience.

“I hate to impose on Steve like that,” Microsoft said. “I just want it to work, you know? Sometimes I get so mad I… I…

“I think about switching platforms.”

The company then laughed nervously.

“Of course, I’d never do that! Ha-ha! Ha! Ha.

“Aaaaaahhhhhh…”

Showalter quickly excused himself as he had 95 million other computers to inoculate.

19 Responses to “Microsoft Has A Friend Come Over To Help With Spyware Problem.”

  1. obligatory post count guy says:

    FIRST

  2. obligatory post count guy says:

    2

  3. larry the hobo says:

    Pi

  4. sum yung guy says:

    Pi+.3

  5. Not sure says:

    Of course, you’ll never hear about this story in the mainstream press. Freedom of press? I don’t think so.

  6. UhhhDude says:

    Fifth!

    I’m free to press my pants anytime I want to.

  7. John C. Randolph says:

    Thanks for another good laugh. How many of you people actually exist, anyhow?

    BTW, is this Steve Showalter guy looking for a job? After what he’s had to put up with, being a Mac Genius would be a breeze!

    -jcr

  8. MacStansbury says:

    Deer Mr. Randolf,

    You can find out all about the Crazy Apple Rumour staff by clicking the link marked “Meet the Staff.” That will take you to a page chock full of picture-y goodness.

    But what it won’t take you to is to a page with the explanation of how in the WORLD CAN YOU STILL HAVE A LINK TO THE TWO frikkin’ TOWERS SPECIAL EDITION THINGEE DEAL A FULL YEAR or so AFTER IT WAS FIRST PUT OUT!

    Seriously…we all got it already. Right? Don’t we all have it? Already? Are you with me on this? Guys?

    Oh, and the Staff page tells you nothing about the ninjas, sexbots, or all of those haiku-writing, muffin drinking, cheese-product wielding Mega-Posters™.

    Yours Truly,

    MacStansbury

    P.S. Really, the Two Towers. Did you hear they are making people read that book in school, now?

  9. SeoulBrother says:

    I hope he installed a firewall…

  10. Explicit Lyrics says:

    If I`m driving north from the shire during rushour, is it faster to take the route through Rohan or shall I take the tunnel?

  11. Gandalf the Direction-Giver says:

    Silly hobbit, Rohan is south-east of the Shire, not north.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Ah, now I understand, I was holding the map the wrong way. I was about to sue the travel agency. “Come to Mordor”, they said, “it`s warm and cozy” and I was freezing my ass of.

  13. Go to 511.org to find the best route from the Shire, as well as traffic reports and alternatives to snowed-in mountain passes and orc-ridden tunnels.

  14. Baal says:

    Huh? What? Microsoft has friends?

  15. Del says:

    MIcrosoft has a computer? I think that is a little more unbelievable. That anybody who actually had a computer could make an OS like Windoze is a mystery to me.

  16. GLAARKU says:

    “Ha-ha! Ha! Ha.”

    Brilliant!!!! Absolutely Brilliant, with a capital B! It’s subtle, and really gives you a sense that MS was totally and utterly busted!

    Why battle the Middle-Earth morning commute traffic?! I got a job right near the Shire!

  17. UhhhDude says:

    If Steve Jobs lived in Middle Earth, he’d be a Hobbit living in the Shire. No need to mention who and where Bill Gates would be….

    (Hm. Would that make Steve Ballmer Lurtz?)